ELENA LEEMING, 39, has a zero tolerance to snacks and screen time and thinks ‘gentle parenting’ techniques are lazy.
The business analyst from York – mum to Clive, six, and Violet, five – says her methods have made her children happier and healthier.
5
5
5
PARENTS have become far too lazy, they simply do not discipline their children now.
As for “gentle” or “soft” parenting — it is not for me.
This week, former Apprentice runner-up and mum-of-three Luisa Zissman revealed she makes her children do chores from the age of two. She says they have to “grind for everything” — and I totally agree.
Since mine were able to walk, Clive, six, and Violet, five, have been loading the washing machine and helping us out by cutting the grass and weeding.
I don’t think children nowadays have any resilience and I worry about this generation growing into adults who expect everything to be served to them.
Kids need boundaries, which is why I only let mine watch TV once a week.
I also throw away any toys that are not tidied away immediately after use, regardless of how expensive they were.
And I never let them gorge on sugary snacks. My son and daughter have never eaten a Haribo in their lives.
But they are healthy, happy and have a good sleep routine as a result.
It’s a tough approach, but my children aren’t suffering in any way — they know they are loved.
If I’m on a date night with my husband Darren… I’ve paid money to enjoy my meal and I don’t want to be sat next to screaming kids.
I believe parents today fail to discipline their kids in public. We don’t eat out as a family very often, but when we do, my children are on their best behaviour.
Other people are there to have a good time and if kids are running around it ruins it. If parents want to let their children run around, they can just leave.
It’s just lazy parenting.
If I’m on a date night with my husband Darren, 54, a technical support engineer, I’ve paid money to enjoy my meal and I don’t want to be sat next to screaming kids.
One high-sugar food a day
Letting children do what they want will just slow their learning and it will take them longer to get where they want to be.
I want my children to grow up to be strong leaders and I’m preparing them for life.
My husband and I grew up without being taught skills like cooking and housework, which set us back.
But it also taught us to be self-sufficient. We went into the world without any practical or financial skills, starting from zero.
I lived by myself at 18 and had to get into a lot of financial difficulty to learn how to get out of it.
It’s something they don’t teach in school, so parents have to do it.
When you are really young, you feel entitled to go to college, get a fabulous job and travel the world.
But you have to work hard and I instil that in my children.
I teach them about nutrition, too. They know they must eat at least five portions of fruit and veg a day, as well as drinking at least a litre of water.
They are never allowed heavily processed foods such as slushies, bubblegum ice cream, jelly, or artificially flavoured snacks such as sweets and crisps.
When they are given sweets they say, “No thanks, they’re not good for me,” and they put them in the bin.
They would rather have an apple, banana or tomato as a snack.
They are allowed one high-sugar food a day, such as fromage frais, vanilla ice cream or a biscuit without chocolate, but nothing that looks overproduced or artificial.
We also encourage them to check the labels on snacks, to make sure there are not any E-numbers.
We do not want our children’s food to give them mood swings. And they are not allowed fizzy drinks, even sugar-free options.
When we go shopping, the kids choose the right stuff for themselves as their daily treat because they know what they can and cannot have.
Television is strictly rationed, too.
They are allowed to watch it only on a Sunday, as our busy schedule doesn’t allow for other days.
We go out a lot, or the children will be focusing on classes or homework, which have to take priority.
They are allowed to watch educational shows for about an hour, but if they are sick, it may go up a bit. I won’t let them watch rubbish like Paw Patrol.
Tablets are only to be used for educational games such as spelling challenges.
I put their toys, including their remote control cars and soft toys, in a black bin bag and took them to the charity shop.
Screen time is an addiction I don’t want them to develop.
It gives them bad dreams and they absorb the wrong type of information.
I would prefer them to spend their time learning something instead. People online often say, “Let children be children” and I do — they play, they go to school, they see their friends. I don’t send them out to work.
The children are not allowed to go upstairs, or move on to a different activity, before clearing away their first one.
If they don’t stick to that, they lose the toys for good. Once, I was on a work call and they turned the house inside out.
I gave them five minutes to tidy up and they didn’t get it done in time.
So I put their toys, including their remote control cars and soft toys, in a black bin bag and took them to the charity shop.
We gave them plenty of notice, so there was no crying.
For the weeks after, the books were on the shelf and the toys were tidied up. They learnt from it and I never had to do that again.
I am willing to go to any length to teach discipline, so my kids learn not to do silly things.
My daughter once tied a knot on her rucksack that was really hard to untie, so I made her untie it standing outside in the rain so she wouldn’t do it again.
Glued to screens
We have star charts on the wall and they lose stars if they don’t go to the toilet before leaving the house then need to go while we are out.
It’s a five-star system. If they get down to three stars, they have to be extra nice. If they can consistently maintain a four-star rating, we might treat them by taking them to Legoland, the cinema, or bowling.
Too many parents are glued to their screens these days when they should be minding their children in the playground.
Once, I asked a boy I knew if he’d be interested in playing football, but his mum just huffed and said there’s “no way” she would want to stand out in the cold for hours.
Parents just don’t want to invest time in their children, which is rubbish.
My children are not suffering. Yes, my parenting approach is tougher, but they know they are loved.
It just seems like an easier option to get a Nintendo Switch or a tablet.
My advice is to just kick them out, let them play outside and go for a bike ride, to get fresh air.
There are alternatives to screen time.
Other mums have said my parenting style is old fashioned — which makes me feel like an outsider, even though I’m just trying to do right by my kids.
I strongly believe my approach will raise smart and savvy businesspeople.
I don’t want to raise children who have to rely on minimum-wage jobs and benefits. A lot of that is a result of how people were parented.
Everyone is allowed their own opinion and they can raise children how they want, but mental health issues are on the rise and people have no resilience nowadays.
My children are not suffering. Yes, my parenting approach is tougher, but they know they are loved.
5
5
