Two years ago, my husband passed away. He was almost 90 when he died and we had been together for 45 years.
We had great chemistry and I loved sex in my younger years, but while he never lost his enthusiasm, mine had diminished. This loss of interest was gradual. He was retired and I worked, which meant our timing was off and we were never in the mood at the same time. We were still in love to the end, but sex had become a very rare event.
However, once he had gone, I began bringing up the memories of our sexual life together. In the early years, it had been wonderful. Eager to recapture those feelings, I purchased my first vibrator at 70, something I would have been embarrassed to do before now. It has given me a renewed pleasure in sex, and I find that I’m having more fun on my own than when I had an active sex life with a partner. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such intense orgasms.
I wish I had been brave enough to introduce sex toys into my marriage, but I can’t imagine how my husband would have responded. Then again, perhaps I have only come to discover what my body needs later in life.
Now I know exactly what I want, and I find that the vibrator provides a tremendous physical release. Despite this renewed interest in sex, I have no desire to meet another romantic partner. I’m learning to be happy alone.
• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@guardian.com.
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