I never go into my children’s bedrooms — they deserve privacy

‘They didn’t particularly want an 11-year-old trying to get involved in their conversations and I wasn’t pleased when they came home from partying and woke me up before school the next day.

‘Although I had a very happy childhood, I never felt I had the privacy I needed, especially when Michele had a baby at 17.

‘My niece Zoey then shared the room with us too. I loved being an auntie and adored Zoey, so what we lacked in privacy we made up for in love. However when I had children, I was determined they would each have their own space.’

Mandy started implementing the self-imposed rules when her eldest, Eliot, was about 14, Lilianne was 11, and George was seven. Giving her children privacy taught them some valuable lessons too.

Mandy says, ‘The children had started to get quite messy and I was a busy mum. I thought that if I did everything for them then they would never learn to look after themselves or appreciate their own space.

‘I wanted them to have a sense of pride in their bedrooms, at the very least I wanted them to draw their own curtains.

‘Lilianne took the lead and started looking after her own room and I stopped going into it, similarly with Elliot.

‘I had absolute trust in them, but I also knew that although we bring our children into the world, as parents, we don’t have to do everything for them. I loved the idea that they were able to come home from school and go into their own space, shutting out the world if they wanted too.

‘I also liked the thought that they knew I would never snoop among their belongings – they felt respected because I trusted them and didn’t go into their space, and as a result they took pride in their surroundings.’

She says, ‘If one of them was very ill, I’d be there like a shot and if we didn’t feel we could trust them then I wouldn’t have had this rule.

‘But even when Elliot was really into gaming and speaking to strangers on his headset, we didn’t have a problem with him having privacy – we just trusted him not to do anything foolish. However, our children got mobiles and technology at an older age than some of their peers, so that helped.’

Mandy has been met with mixed reactions from other parents. She says, ‘Some people feel uncomfortable when I say I didn’t go into my children’s’ rooms. They feel I’m suggesting they’ve made the wrong decision, but I’m not – this is what works for us.

‘Other parents have said ‘I just couldn’t bear the mess’, but my children emptied their own bins, changed their own sheets and sorted their washing. The pay-off has been that they got privacy and I’d never go into their bedrooms uninvited or unannounced. They respect each other’s privacy too.

‘At the start there was an element of uncertainty, I didn’t know if it would work, but they took to it really well.’

As her children have grown, they have told Mandy how much they valued the privacy she gave them.

She says, ‘They are fantastic young people and were always sensible and respectful.

‘I do realise that we were lucky because we were able to give each of them a room so we could give them privacy.

‘And I’d still do this again, even with the more advanced technology that young children have these days – because children don’t need to be in their bedrooms to be doing secretive things online now, they can be doing it on their phone in front of your face.

‘Knowing that the children had space that was their very own and they could do what they wanted with I think gave them a sense of maturity. And they always knew they could come to me with problems, we weren’t shutting them out.

‘They are getting ready to leave now, one has already moved out, and I believe our decision to give them privacy and responsibility from the start stands them in good stead for life away from home.’

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