A SEX Pistol threatens to strangle me as his blood-soaked girlfriend lets out a chilling cackle nearby.
This year, the creators of Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Orlando have been inspired by the Seventies and Eighties and I am still soaked in sweat from meeting Sid and Nancy.
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Never mind God Save The Queen. God save me!
What’s more, bosses have teamed up with the creators of Ghostbusters, Stranger Things, Jordan Peele’s chiller Us and Killer Klowns From Outer Space to deliver a terrifying slate of immersive experiences for fans.
One million scream-seekers are expected to traverse the park’s five scare zones, ten horror houses and rattling rollercoasters this autumn.
And since I have been given the honour of testing all of them in one night, I hurry out of the Graveyard Of Games house and manage to sneak past bloodthirsty Vikings outside.
Swinging it back to the year 980AD, the Viking Undead zone brings Norse mythology to life.
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A group of undead warriors that refuse to enter Valhalla have escaped their longboat to wreak havoc on wandering guests.
Fast-forward a thousand years and the Anarcade scare zone is filled with slashers inspired by 1980s horror films.
They creep up holding glowing chainsaws and the shrill sound from their weapons will have you skittering out of their way.
From there I walk into a music video at the Quantum Heavy Metal zone and watch tracks from Rob Zombie’s album Hellbilly Deluxe come to life.
Scantily clad women dance on podiums as real fire jets across the sky. But the undead have escaped Zombieland and are looking for victims.
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Troubled visitors can find shelter in the multiple horror houses, but they are not for the faint-hearted either.
The Ghostbusters house will lure in the nostalgic but terrify them in equal measure.
Slimer blasts ectoplasm and Sigourney Weaver’s possessed Dana Barrett levitates in the middle of a battle to save New York.
And let’s not forget the uncanny world of Strangers Things, which Universal has revived for a second year.
This time scenes from the third series are re-enacted for guests’ voyeuristic pleasure.
Watching Billy convulse while a demon embodies him was genuinely terrifying.
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And with the Netflix show returning for season four, there is a good chance Universal will tackle the Eighties-inspired series in a Horror House again next year as the more popular houses become long-lasting scare favourites.
However, a host of new houses will be introduced and are guaranteed to draw just as many punters, so it’s worth booking up now.
After getting your monster fix of horror at HHN, be sure to make time for more thrills at Universal’s epic Volcano Bay water park.
Hire a private cabana, where you can relax and unwind in comfy sun loungers with platters of fruit and fresh pastries within arm’s reach.
For dinner, head to CityWalk’s new restaurant Big Fire, which offers incredible views of Universal Studios at sunset. The food there draws from the nostalgia of cooking over open flames.
Autumnal dishes like campfire chilli, wood-charred Brussels sprouts and premium steaks will delight your taste buds.
For a sweet ending, share a Tableside S’mores and build your own dessert by heating marshmallows and chocolate over a flame.
As with everything about Universal Orlando, it is utterly delicious.
GO: Florida
GETTING / STAYING THERE: Virgin Holidays has seven nights’ room-only at Loews Sapphire Falls Resort at Universal Orlando from £915pp including Virgin Atlantic flights from Gatwick and car hire as well as a Universal Three-Park Explorer Ticket.
A Halloween Horror Nights Frequent Fear Pass allows multiple nights admissions and is from £119.
To book, call 0344 557 3859 or go to virginholidays.co.uk
