They say blood is thicker than water, but family isn’t all about blood.
With blended families becoming more common than ever, it’s sometimes taken for granted that your parent’s new partner will fill the void left by the other parent. But that isn’t always the case, and it certainly wasn’t for one woman, who told her boyfriend’s child point blank that she wasn’t their parent.
Speaking on Reddit’s ‘Am I The A**hole’ forum, the 34-year old, who has children of her own, explained she’s in a ‘casual’ long-distance relationship with the 40-year-old father.
‘I set boundaries at the start of our relationship. We will never live together, he will not be involved with my kids or family, I won’t be involved in his,’ she wrote.
‘My kids have a dad that’s very active in their lives and we co-parent amazingly. The relationship I have with [my boyfriend] is just that, with him.’
Thanks to these terms, the original poster (OP) describes their relationship as ‘great.’
‘We never argue because we have nothing to argue about. We have our separate lives and when we’re together it’s like a break from the real world.’
After a family emergency, the woman agreed to watch her boyfriend’s 12-year-old in her home because ‘we both understood it’s a one time thing.’
While the boyfriend introduced her as an ‘old friend,’ it seems like the daughter got wind of the truth fast. The woman, who also has an 11-year-daughter, spotted her boyfriend’s child being ‘hateful’ towards her, and decided to separate them: with her daughter in the basement, and her boyfriend’s daughter in the living room.
But she quickly spotted her boyfriend’s daughter ‘slowly opening the basement door,’ and after some back and forth, the child screamed that the poster wasn’t her mother.
‘That’s when I told her “Baby, it never crossed my mind because I have my own kids to parent. I have no intention of trying to be anything to you, I’m just helping your dad,”‘ she said. For the rest of the day the boyfriend’s daughter retreated with her phone and ‘didn’t touch’ the food the woman made her for lunch.
Although the woman won the argument, her boyfriend wasn’t best pleased. ‘He said he understands why I said what I said and it is true, but it was out of pocket to say it TO her,’ she concluded. But was she the a**hole?
The near-unanimous response was no, she wasn’t.
‘Your bf should have told [the daughter] the lay of the land beforehand,’ one Redditor wrote.
‘I am trying to figure out why he thinks it was wrong to say to his daughter,’ another one added.
A different commenter even praised the woman for what she said. ‘I thought that what you said was perfect,’ they remarked. ‘She was blaming her disobedience on you not being her Mum, and you were like: ‘I don’t want to be your mum, but I still get to set the rules in my own house.’’
‘Good on you.’
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