Quique Sanchez Flores admits his Watford side are struggling with “insecurities” that can only be cured by winning games.
Wolves’ win over Flores’ side on Saturday left the Hornets as the only Premier League team without a win this season and the manager accepts they must address that quickly.
“We need to win. We have insecurities, we have situations we can’t solve, easy mistakes giving opportunities to the opponent,” he said, having presided over a creditable draw with Arsenal but also an 8-0 loss to Manchester City in his other league games since returning to the club.
“All these kinds of things happen when things are a little bit down, but we are working on the situation, we’re working to change. I trust this squad of players and they can change the situation.
“When you win it’s completely different and you can understand everything very quickly. It’s a process and I hope between all of us we can find solutions.”
1/54 Every Premier League 2019/20 kit ranked and rated
Forget the Premier League titles: this is the one every club wants to win. Every club. Every kit. A largely arbitrary ranking. Let’s go!
Independent
2/54 51. Norwich away
Where to start with this absolute sad sack of a kit? The garish shade of nosebleed red? The Hummel knock-off shoulder chevrons? Or the cheap as soggy chips free app shirt sleeve sponsor? Crap, crap and crap again. Pass me that bumper bottle of Dettol, please, I need to bleach my poor bleeding eyeballs.
SCORE OUT OF 10: 0.03
Norwich
3/54 50. Southampton home
Southampton supporters wishing to buy this awful mess have encountered a problem ahead of the start of the new season: it’s impossible to buy one. Incredibly, rumour has it that a shipping container bringing the kits over to the UK from the US fell into the sea this summer. Genuinely. To be brutally honest the bottom of the Atlantic is probably the best place for this kit. It’s minging.
SCORE: 0.45
Southampton
4/54 49. Southampton away
Unfortunately, this nauseating mix of plain Jane motorway grey and genetically modified banana skin yellow is available to buy. If you’re considering doing so, please seek professional help.
SCORE: 0.46
Getty Images
5/54 48. Leicester away
YAWN. About as exciting as listening to George Alagiah reading the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire e-book while you sit and eat a single slice of dry white bread and watch paint dry on a wall outside the Edinburgh Woollen Mill. A helpful note to all kit manufacturers: pack it in with the grey kits you overpaid charlatans.
SCORE: 0.83479
Leicester City via Getty Images
6/54 47. Norwich City third
Hang on there just give me a moment to Ctrl C, Ctrl V the preview review…
YAWN. About as exciting as listening to George Alagiah reading the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire e-book while you sit and eat a single slice of dry white bread and watch paint dry on a wall outside the Edinburgh Woollen Mill. A helpful note to all kit manufacturers: pack it in with the grey kits you overpaid charlatans.
SCORE: 0.83479
Norwich City
7/54 46. Manchester City third
It looks like an ice lolly. An ice lolly I most definitely do not want to suck. Bin.
SCORE: 0.99
Getty Images
8/54 45. Aston Villa away
Like a David Foster Wallace novel or Andrei Tarkovsky film, there’s just far too much going on here. Asymmetrical pinstripes. A weird cut-away sleeve design. And approximately 43902132394 Kappa logos. It’s a wrong’un, alright.
SCORE: 1
Aston Villa FC via Getty Images
9/54 44. Burnley away
About as cheap as Martin Lewis scratching around the discount aisle at your local Lidl. A deathly dull effort not in any way helped by a bizarre graphic that looks like a grease stain smeared across your iPhone screen.
SCORE: 1.4
Getty Images
10/54 43. Aston Villa home
Marginally better than that awful away effort – but not by much. Unfortunately our CMS doesn’t permit the use of emojis, but if it did, I would include two nauseated faces, one see-no-evil monkey and three loudly crying faces.
SCORE: 1.8
Aston Villa FC via Getty Images
11/54 42. Burnley third
In the words of the club: “For every ‘Evergreen’ shirt purchased, the club pledges to plant one tree to help offset those lost by the deforestation that continues to have a huge impact on the global climate crisis.” Which is great! S*** shirt though.
SCORE: 1.98765432
Burnley
12/54 41. Sheffield United away
Boring. Doesn’t deserve a write-up, to be honest. Instead, here’s the first paragraph Steve Bunce’s absolutely brilliant boxing column from last Monday: “In early 1993, in front of 132,247 paying fans as well as a thousand police with guns and dogs and every crooked mayor in Mexico, Mr T – wearing floral swimming trunks, flip flops and numerous gold chains – sat next to me to watch the greatest homecoming in sport.” Read it – it’s great.
SCORE: 2
Action Images via Reuters
13/54 40. Southampton third
Look, if you’re a Southampton supporter and you’re desperate to treat yourself to a new kit, then get this one. It’s marginally better than the other two. Emphasis on marginally. Wear it outside and people are still going to point at you and laugh. Babies and small children are still going to burst into tears. And dogs will still bark at you before tucking their tails between their legs and running for the hills, whimpering as they go.
SCORE: 2.01
Southampton
14/54 39. Burnley home
Here’s an intriguing peak behind the grubby content creation curtain for you all: I haven’t written these silly little captions in order. I jumbled them up and attacked them in between different tasks. This – the staggeringly average Burnley home kit – is the last one I have left to write. And you know what? I don’t have the energy for this anymore. So, instead, here are the first ten words that popped in my head: Cake. Environment. Ally. Systematic. Banish. Buttocks. Owner. Anniversary. Brink. Lifestyle.
SCORE: 2.22
Getty Images
15/54 38. Bournemouth third
Every single season, a middle to lower ranking Premier League team squirts out an uninspired fluorescent third kit for only the most desperate of their supporters to purchase. Lo and behold: the 12th worst kit in the Premier League this season.
SCORE: WHATEVER
AFC Bournemouth via Getty Images
16/54 37. Bournemouth away
I’m going to put in as much effort reviewing this kit as Umbro did designing it: dIAHDme j023q9[3i2-94-mersd;weoaprk3 0[45rle ‘[rkowe4pq’4k,5oq5elpr.
SCORE: xsd
Bournemouth
17/54 36. Newcastle United home
Looks like something Castolo, Ximelez, Dodo and the crew would wear on Pro Evolution Soccer 5. That should be a positive – but the centralised badge and obnoxiously massive sponsor give it the look of something destined to clog up Sports Direct superstores the nation over.
SCORE: 3
Getty Images
18/54 35. West Ham home
Pays tribute to the 1980 home kit, the season West Ham *checks notes* beat Arsenal 1-0 in the FA Cup final, wearing a white kit. Also has the rather unfortunate visual effect of making the club’s players look like they’re wearing a pair of crotch-decimating jack-up pantaloons.
SCORE: 3.4
CameraSport via Getty Images
19/54 34. Everton home
Umbro say that the odd, seemingly Tetris-inspired print is “inspired by the distinctive criss-crossed steelwork from the upper tier of the Bullens Road stand, the work of legendary stadium architect Archibald Leitch”. Okay, lads. Nobody likes a try hard. You’re 31st. Deal with it.
SCORE: 3.76
Getty Images
20/54 33. Watford home
Another reasonably nice kit absolutely ruined by a massive betting company sponsor, with a couple of random Chinese characters thrown in to boot. NEXT.
SCORE: 4
Getty Images
21/54 32. Brighton away
Clearly knocked up by time-pressed Nike scufflers at exactly 4.55pm on a Friday evening, as the rest of their swoosh sporting colleagues disappeared for the boozer.
Nike worker one: “Christ, we’re meant to be down the pub in five minutes and we still haven’t designed Brighton’s away kit!”
Nike worker two: “Black shirt. Black shorts. Black socks. Mine’s a Carling.”
SCORE: 5
Action Images via Reuters
22/54 31. Manchester United third
Look, if you’re determined to design an all-black away kit, this is how you do it: whack a subtle gradient pattern into the mix and get a bit of florescent piping on there. Is it still boring? Well, yes. Is it at least better than Burnley away? Also yes.
SCORE: 5
23/54 30. Crystal Palace home
Average. Mediocre. Second-rate. Ordinary. Middle-of-the-road. Unexceptional. Indifferent. Humdrum.
SCORE: 5
Getty Images
24/54 29. Liverpool third
Looks like the sort of thing worn by a bunch of socially awkward teenagers competing at an e-Sports tournament. It might be good enough for a motley crew of button-mashing, Twitch-watching, voice-breaking, cheesy Dorito-eating, Red Bull-sipping, pimple-popping professional Fortnite gamers. But it’s not good enough for the likes of Mohamed Salah, Roberto Firmino and Virgil van Dijk. Pass.
SCORE: 5.01
Action Plus via Getty Images
25/54 28. Manchester City home
A relatively hard to dislike affair absolutely ruined by the large swathes of Tinky Winky magenta. A kit not befitting of Champions League quarter-finalists.
SCORE: 5.02
Getty Images
26/54 27. Watford away
HANDS UP: Completely forgot to include this until somebody on Twitter spotted it was missing. (Cheers, James!) Let’s be honest: you can kind of see why. Another Adidas template in a dreary North Sea blue. Not the worst. Not the best.
SCORE: 5.042382394893
Watford
27/54 26. Newcastle United away
If this football kit was an alcoholic beverage, it would be a Peroni. Bang average. Will still sell well. You’ve seen the pic, read the silly caption, now be on your way.
SCORE: 5.5
Getty Images
28/54 25. Tottenham Hotspur away
On first glance, it’s just a simple, navy all over away kit, exactly the same as the 2017/18 campaign. Boring. Uninspired. Drab. BUT LOOK AGAIN! Do you see it now? An ever so subtle purple gradient pattern that would have looked absolutely outstanding on the chiselled torso of Paulo Dybala. (It’s not going to happen.) Sigh.
SCORE: 5.8
Getty Images
29/54 24. Sheffield United home
Take note, Southampton: THAT’s how you do a red-and-white striped home kit! Sheffield United may be destined to already be relegated by February with a points tally of 5 and goal difference of -123 – but at least they’re going to be dropping down in style.
SCORE: 6
Getty Images
30/54 23. Chelsea home
There’s a lot going on here. From a distance, it looks like your standard Chelsea home kit, with a rather nice cut-away collar. Get up close, and it looks as though the Zodiac killer has been let loose at Nike HQ. Some will hate it. Some will love it. We’ll stick it slap bang in the middle of our prestigious yearly rankings, then.
SCORE: 7
Getty Images
31/54 22. Norwich City home
The news that gradient fades are, like, soooooooooo 2018/19 clearly didn’t travel to Errea HQ. But, snark aside, this gets significant bonus points for that lovely, rich shade of Marks & Spencer green and we’re fans of that natty collar, too.
SCORE: 7.1
Getty Images
32/54 21. Bournemouth home
Some red stripes. Some black stripes. A pair of black shorts. A pair of black socks. Done.
SCORE: 7.3
Getty Images
33/54 20. Newcastle United third
Wins some serious 2019/20 Premier League kits ranked and rated points for being louder than a pissed Brian Blessed singing the national anthem directly into your eardrum at 6am in the morning. Loses a few points for clashing quite spectacularly with Matty Longstaff’s violently auburn bonce.
SCORE: 7.5
Newcastle United
34/54 19. Wolves home
Yeah, it’s alright isn’t it, thanks for asking. Would probably be higher but for the fact it’s based on the Tiro 19 template, like pretty much every other Adidas kit in the world.
SCORE: 7.566
Getty Images
35/54 18. Tottenham Hotspur home
It’s a classic, innit. Very difficult to dislike. Even more difficult to muster up the enthusiasm to write more than three sentences.
SCORE: 7.7
Getty Images
36/54 17. Brighton home
Brighton have had a few boring home kits in recent seasons, but the darker shade of blue and subtle gradient pattern really help to elevate this effort towards the top of our rankings.
SCORE: 7.8
Getty Images
37/54 16. Liverpool home
Another season. Another solid if not especially remarkable classic looking Liverpool home kit. It’s not especially memorable, but really, what does that even matter? We all know how well it’s going to sell. Give it two weeks and around 20 per cent of the earth’s population will own one.
SCORE: 7.9
EPA
38/54 15. Wolves away
Oooo. A laudably gothic effort from Wolves for their away kit this season. Think how wonderful this is going to look on the road in the Europa League, illuminated by flares on a threatening night in Besiktas.
SCORE: 8
Wolves
39/54 14. Leicester home
Classy AF. And significant – SIGNIFICANT – bonus points for how the crown of the King Power logo perfectly matches the gold accents on the sleeves. Take note: horrible sponsors of the Premier League. However, loses both points and probity for – essentially – being the exact same kit Chelsea wore during the 2012/13 season. Did you honestly think we wouldn’t notice, Adidas???
SCORE: 8.1
Getty Images
40/54 SEE!
Getty
41/54 13. Manchester United away
Hang on, is that … PAUL POGBA … ARROGANTLY holding up his left arm and DEMANDING the ball … while wearing a MANCHESTER UNITED shirt sporting some kind of BIZARRO GIRAFFE SKIN GRAPHIC PRINT??? To be honest, it’s not great, but this strip practically comes with an iron-clad guarantee to wind up Yer Da’ and the rest of the gammon brigade, which means it automatically sneaks into our top ten.
SCORE: 8.5
Getty Images
42/54 12. Manchester City away
Wow. Would you look at that. Puma proudly boast that this naughtily asymmetrical little number was inspired by legendary Manchester nightclub The Hacienda. We think it looks more like something a background character might mooch around wearing in Blade Runner, probably while Harrison Ford stares moodily into the middle distance at a neon-lit noodle bar.
SCORE: 8.999
Getty Images
43/54 11. Liverpool away
Gorgeous. Somebody get Nike on the blower, quick, because that right there is what the next England kit should look like. Apparently “inspired by the iconic street signs around Anfield”. We’ll let New Balance off that one, considering how brilliant this is.
SCORE: 9.1
Liverpool FC via Getty Images
44/54 10. Manchester United home
Yes, it’s got a devilishly sexy gold monochrome badge. Yes, the red Adidas stripes give it a nice minimalist look. And, yes, absolutely anything would have been better than last season’s gradient garbage. BUT CAN WE ALL PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE ADIDAS GOT THEIR MATHS WRONG? It commemorates the famous 1999 treble win – so shouldn’t they have released this last season? Please, write in, email in, abuse me on Twitter – whatever. I need answers.
SCORE: 9.25
Getty Images
45/54 9. Chelsea away
Preppy. Oh, yes. Clean. Classy. Coquet. Looks like something Roger Federer would wear at Wimbledon. Just a pity the socks aren’t also white.
SCORE: 9.3
Chelsea FC via Getty Images
46/54 8. Arsenal third
A late addition. But well worth the wait. Add Adidas x Arsenal to the list of all-time great combinations, alongside salt and vinegar, Lil Nas and Billy Ray Cyrus and The Independent and irreverent football kit reviews. Adidas describe this little worldie as a “dark blue kit with yellow detail featuring Climalite technology to keep you dry with mesh ventilation panels below the sleeves to help regulate body temperature”. Our description is better: HUBBA, HUBBA.
SCORE: 9.3888888888889888888888
Adidas
47/54 7. Crystal Palace away
Another dark, asymmetrical kit from Pupa with bold as brass accents. Another fat, fat W.
SCORE: 9.4
Getty Images
48/54 BONUS! Manchester City heritage
The kit Manchester City wore to win the Community Shield (in association with McDonalds) against Liverpool. On another note: a round of applause, please, for David Silva’s Lazarus-like lid.
PA
49/54 6. Crystal Palace third
Sublime. We’re massive fans of that lesser spotted refracted sash. Squint a bit, and it almost looks like the cover of David Bowie’s Aladdin Sane. Not his best work. Definitely behind Low, Station to Station, Young Americans, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, Blackstar, Heroes, Hunky Dory, Diamond Dogs, Let’s Dance, Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps), The Next Day and the second side of The Man Who Sold The World. But ahead of the all others. Sorry, Lodger.
SCORE: 9.9
Crystal Palace
50/54 5. Arsenal home
Yup. That’s exactly what an Arsenal home kit should like. Red shirt. White sleeves n’ socks, with a bit of dark blue thrown in for good measure. Makes a welcome change for the Gunners after their miserable four-year partnership with Puma, whose kits always looked like they were designed only with the sole purpose of throttling your nipples.
SCORE: 10
Arsenal FC via Getty Images
51/54 4. West Ham away
Brilliant all round: from the claret and blue cuffs to the Basset & Gold shirt sleeve sponsor – which somehow manages to be more quintessentially West Ham than the actual club badge itself.
SCORE: 10.5
West Ham
52/54 3. Everton away
Sure, it’s bold, but come on – how can you possibly dislike the classic hue of ‘living coral’? This is undoubtedly Umbro’s biggest win of the season, with the navy shorts offsetting the pink perfectly and the tonal diagonal stripe pattern adding even more class to proceedings. No wonder Moise Kean left one of the biggest clubs in Europe to rock up at Goodison Park. He just wanted to get his hands on this.
SCORE: 27
Everton FC via Getty Images
53/54 2. Leicester third
Like, why has nobody done this before? Take the absolutely classic 1990 Germany World Cup kit pattern, and make it … PINK. And not just pastel pink, like Manchester United’s admittedly lovely away kit last season. No, full on, burning hot fuscia. Just look at James Maddison’s wee smile. He’s delighted. If you don’t like this, you’re either boring or old. Or both. Sorry. It’s the second best kit in the Premier League this season, behind only…
SCORE: 465
Leicester
54/54 1. Arsenal away
In the words of Mr James Hillier Blount, better known by his stage name James Blunt: “You’re beautiful / You’re beautiful / You’re beautiful, it’s true.” Takes an absolute classic of the kit genre – Arsenal’s endlessly iconic 1991 – 1993 ‘bruised banana’ – and puts a fun, funky twist on it. Wear it to five-a-side. Wear it on a date. Wear it to the Warehouse Project. Wear it even if you support Manchester United, or Chelsea, or Spurs. Just embrace it, whoever and wherever you are. Because that’s what football is all about, after all. Supporting one another, savouring the game and spreading the love. Thanks for reading. And if you want me, you’ll find me in a dark corner of the Arsenal megastore, breathing deeply.
SCORE: 43980439549058690
Arsenal FC via Getty Images
1/54 Every Premier League 2019/20 kit ranked and rated
Forget the Premier League titles: this is the one every club wants to win. Every club. Every kit. A largely arbitrary ranking. Let’s go!
Independent
2/54 51. Norwich away
Where to start with this absolute sad sack of a kit? The garish shade of nosebleed red? The Hummel knock-off shoulder chevrons? Or the cheap as soggy chips free app shirt sleeve sponsor? Crap, crap and crap again. Pass me that bumper bottle of Dettol, please, I need to bleach my poor bleeding eyeballs.
SCORE OUT OF 10: 0.03
Norwich
3/54 50. Southampton home
Southampton supporters wishing to buy this awful mess have encountered a problem ahead of the start of the new season: it’s impossible to buy one. Incredibly, rumour has it that a shipping container bringing the kits over to the UK from the US fell into the sea this summer. Genuinely. To be brutally honest the bottom of the Atlantic is probably the best place for this kit. It’s minging.
SCORE: 0.45
Southampton
4/54 49. Southampton away
Unfortunately, this nauseating mix of plain Jane motorway grey and genetically modified banana skin yellow is available to buy. If you’re considering doing so, please seek professional help.
SCORE: 0.46
Getty Images
5/54 48. Leicester away
YAWN. About as exciting as listening to George Alagiah reading the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire e-book while you sit and eat a single slice of dry white bread and watch paint dry on a wall outside the Edinburgh Woollen Mill. A helpful note to all kit manufacturers: pack it in with the grey kits you overpaid charlatans.
SCORE: 0.83479
Leicester City via Getty Images
6/54 47. Norwich City third
Hang on there just give me a moment to Ctrl C, Ctrl V the preview review…
YAWN. About as exciting as listening to George Alagiah reading the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire e-book while you sit and eat a single slice of dry white bread and watch paint dry on a wall outside the Edinburgh Woollen Mill. A helpful note to all kit manufacturers: pack it in with the grey kits you overpaid charlatans.
SCORE: 0.83479
Norwich City
7/54 46. Manchester City third
It looks like an ice lolly. An ice lolly I most definitely do not want to suck. Bin.
SCORE: 0.99
Getty Images
8/54 45. Aston Villa away
Like a David Foster Wallace novel or Andrei Tarkovsky film, there’s just far too much going on here. Asymmetrical pinstripes. A weird cut-away sleeve design. And approximately 43902132394 Kappa logos. It’s a wrong’un, alright.
SCORE: 1
Aston Villa FC via Getty Images
9/54 44. Burnley away
About as cheap as Martin Lewis scratching around the discount aisle at your local Lidl. A deathly dull effort not in any way helped by a bizarre graphic that looks like a grease stain smeared across your iPhone screen.
SCORE: 1.4
Getty Images
10/54 43. Aston Villa home
Marginally better than that awful away effort – but not by much. Unfortunately our CMS doesn’t permit the use of emojis, but if it did, I would include two nauseated faces, one see-no-evil monkey and three loudly crying faces.
SCORE: 1.8
Aston Villa FC via Getty Images
11/54 42. Burnley third
In the words of the club: “For every ‘Evergreen’ shirt purchased, the club pledges to plant one tree to help offset those lost by the deforestation that continues to have a huge impact on the global climate crisis.” Which is great! S*** shirt though.
SCORE: 1.98765432
Burnley
12/54 41. Sheffield United away
Boring. Doesn’t deserve a write-up, to be honest. Instead, here’s the first paragraph Steve Bunce’s absolutely brilliant boxing column from last Monday: “In early 1993, in front of 132,247 paying fans as well as a thousand police with guns and dogs and every crooked mayor in Mexico, Mr T – wearing floral swimming trunks, flip flops and numerous gold chains – sat next to me to watch the greatest homecoming in sport.” Read it – it’s great.
SCORE: 2
Action Images via Reuters
13/54 40. Southampton third
Look, if you’re a Southampton supporter and you’re desperate to treat yourself to a new kit, then get this one. It’s marginally better than the other two. Emphasis on marginally. Wear it outside and people are still going to point at you and laugh. Babies and small children are still going to burst into tears. And dogs will still bark at you before tucking their tails between their legs and running for the hills, whimpering as they go.
SCORE: 2.01
Southampton
14/54 39. Burnley home
Here’s an intriguing peak behind the grubby content creation curtain for you all: I haven’t written these silly little captions in order. I jumbled them up and attacked them in between different tasks. This – the staggeringly average Burnley home kit – is the last one I have left to write. And you know what? I don’t have the energy for this anymore. So, instead, here are the first ten words that popped in my head: Cake. Environment. Ally. Systematic. Banish. Buttocks. Owner. Anniversary. Brink. Lifestyle.
SCORE: 2.22
Getty Images
15/54 38. Bournemouth third
Every single season, a middle to lower ranking Premier League team squirts out an uninspired fluorescent third kit for only the most desperate of their supporters to purchase. Lo and behold: the 12th worst kit in the Premier League this season.
SCORE: WHATEVER
AFC Bournemouth via Getty Images
16/54 37. Bournemouth away
I’m going to put in as much effort reviewing this kit as Umbro did designing it: dIAHDme j023q9[3i2-94-mersd;weoaprk3 0[45rle ‘[rkowe4pq’4k,5oq5elpr.
SCORE: xsd
Bournemouth
17/54 36. Newcastle United home
Looks like something Castolo, Ximelez, Dodo and the crew would wear on Pro Evolution Soccer 5. That should be a positive – but the centralised badge and obnoxiously massive sponsor give it the look of something destined to clog up Sports Direct superstores the nation over.
SCORE: 3
Getty Images
18/54 35. West Ham home
Pays tribute to the 1980 home kit, the season West Ham *checks notes* beat Arsenal 1-0 in the FA Cup final, wearing a white kit. Also has the rather unfortunate visual effect of making the club’s players look like they’re wearing a pair of crotch-decimating jack-up pantaloons.
SCORE: 3.4
CameraSport via Getty Images
19/54 34. Everton home
Umbro say that the odd, seemingly Tetris-inspired print is “inspired by the distinctive criss-crossed steelwork from the upper tier of the Bullens Road stand, the work of legendary stadium architect Archibald Leitch”. Okay, lads. Nobody likes a try hard. You’re 31st. Deal with it.
SCORE: 3.76
Getty Images
20/54 33. Watford home
Another reasonably nice kit absolutely ruined by a massive betting company sponsor, with a couple of random Chinese characters thrown in to boot. NEXT.
SCORE: 4
Getty Images
21/54 32. Brighton away
Clearly knocked up by time-pressed Nike scufflers at exactly 4.55pm on a Friday evening, as the rest of their swoosh sporting colleagues disappeared for the boozer.
Nike worker one: “Christ, we’re meant to be down the pub in five minutes and we still haven’t designed Brighton’s away kit!”
Nike worker two: “Black shirt. Black shorts. Black socks. Mine’s a Carling.”
SCORE: 5
Action Images via Reuters
22/54 31. Manchester United third
Look, if you’re determined to design an all-black away kit, this is how you do it: whack a subtle gradient pattern into the mix and get a bit of florescent piping on there. Is it still boring? Well, yes. Is it at least better than Burnley away? Also yes.
SCORE: 5
23/54 30. Crystal Palace home
Average. Mediocre. Second-rate. Ordinary. Middle-of-the-road. Unexceptional. Indifferent. Humdrum.
SCORE: 5
Getty Images
24/54 29. Liverpool third
Looks like the sort of thing worn by a bunch of socially awkward teenagers competing at an e-Sports tournament. It might be good enough for a motley crew of button-mashing, Twitch-watching, voice-breaking, cheesy Dorito-eating, Red Bull-sipping, pimple-popping professional Fortnite gamers. But it’s not good enough for the likes of Mohamed Salah, Roberto Firmino and Virgil van Dijk. Pass.
SCORE: 5.01
Action Plus via Getty Images
25/54 28. Manchester City home
A relatively hard to dislike affair absolutely ruined by the large swathes of Tinky Winky magenta. A kit not befitting of Champions League quarter-finalists.
SCORE: 5.02
Getty Images
26/54 27. Watford away
HANDS UP: Completely forgot to include this until somebody on Twitter spotted it was missing. (Cheers, James!) Let’s be honest: you can kind of see why. Another Adidas template in a dreary North Sea blue. Not the worst. Not the best.
SCORE: 5.042382394893
Watford
27/54 26. Newcastle United away
If this football kit was an alcoholic beverage, it would be a Peroni. Bang average. Will still sell well. You’ve seen the pic, read the silly caption, now be on your way.
SCORE: 5.5
Getty Images
28/54 25. Tottenham Hotspur away
On first glance, it’s just a simple, navy all over away kit, exactly the same as the 2017/18 campaign. Boring. Uninspired. Drab. BUT LOOK AGAIN! Do you see it now? An ever so subtle purple gradient pattern that would have looked absolutely outstanding on the chiselled torso of Paulo Dybala. (It’s not going to happen.) Sigh.
SCORE: 5.8
Getty Images
29/54 24. Sheffield United home
Take note, Southampton: THAT’s how you do a red-and-white striped home kit! Sheffield United may be destined to already be relegated by February with a points tally of 5 and goal difference of -123 – but at least they’re going to be dropping down in style.
SCORE: 6
Getty Images
30/54 23. Chelsea home
There’s a lot going on here. From a distance, it looks like your standard Chelsea home kit, with a rather nice cut-away collar. Get up close, and it looks as though the Zodiac killer has been let loose at Nike HQ. Some will hate it. Some will love it. We’ll stick it slap bang in the middle of our prestigious yearly rankings, then.
SCORE: 7
Getty Images
31/54 22. Norwich City home
The news that gradient fades are, like, soooooooooo 2018/19 clearly didn’t travel to Errea HQ. But, snark aside, this gets significant bonus points for that lovely, rich shade of Marks & Spencer green and we’re fans of that natty collar, too.
SCORE: 7.1
Getty Images
32/54 21. Bournemouth home
Some red stripes. Some black stripes. A pair of black shorts. A pair of black socks. Done.
SCORE: 7.3
Getty Images
33/54 20. Newcastle United third
Wins some serious 2019/20 Premier League kits ranked and rated points for being louder than a pissed Brian Blessed singing the national anthem directly into your eardrum at 6am in the morning. Loses a few points for clashing quite spectacularly with Matty Longstaff’s violently auburn bonce.
SCORE: 7.5
Newcastle United
34/54 19. Wolves home
Yeah, it’s alright isn’t it, thanks for asking. Would probably be higher but for the fact it’s based on the Tiro 19 template, like pretty much every other Adidas kit in the world.
SCORE: 7.566
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35/54 18. Tottenham Hotspur home
It’s a classic, innit. Very difficult to dislike. Even more difficult to muster up the enthusiasm to write more than three sentences.
SCORE: 7.7
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36/54 17. Brighton home
Brighton have had a few boring home kits in recent seasons, but the darker shade of blue and subtle gradient pattern really help to elevate this effort towards the top of our rankings.
SCORE: 7.8
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37/54 16. Liverpool home
Another season. Another solid if not especially remarkable classic looking Liverpool home kit. It’s not especially memorable, but really, what does that even matter? We all know how well it’s going to sell. Give it two weeks and around 20 per cent of the earth’s population will own one.
SCORE: 7.9
EPA
38/54 15. Wolves away
Oooo. A laudably gothic effort from Wolves for their away kit this season. Think how wonderful this is going to look on the road in the Europa League, illuminated by flares on a threatening night in Besiktas.
SCORE: 8
Wolves
39/54 14. Leicester home
Classy AF. And significant – SIGNIFICANT – bonus points for how the crown of the King Power logo perfectly matches the gold accents on the sleeves. Take note: horrible sponsors of the Premier League. However, loses both points and probity for – essentially – being the exact same kit Chelsea wore during the 2012/13 season. Did you honestly think we wouldn’t notice, Adidas???
SCORE: 8.1
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40/54 SEE!
Getty
41/54 13. Manchester United away
Hang on, is that … PAUL POGBA … ARROGANTLY holding up his left arm and DEMANDING the ball … while wearing a MANCHESTER UNITED shirt sporting some kind of BIZARRO GIRAFFE SKIN GRAPHIC PRINT??? To be honest, it’s not great, but this strip practically comes with an iron-clad guarantee to wind up Yer Da’ and the rest of the gammon brigade, which means it automatically sneaks into our top ten.
SCORE: 8.5
Getty Images
42/54 12. Manchester City away
Wow. Would you look at that. Puma proudly boast that this naughtily asymmetrical little number was inspired by legendary Manchester nightclub The Hacienda. We think it looks more like something a background character might mooch around wearing in Blade Runner, probably while Harrison Ford stares moodily into the middle distance at a neon-lit noodle bar.
SCORE: 8.999
Getty Images
43/54 11. Liverpool away
Gorgeous. Somebody get Nike on the blower, quick, because that right there is what the next England kit should look like. Apparently “inspired by the iconic street signs around Anfield”. We’ll let New Balance off that one, considering how brilliant this is.
SCORE: 9.1
Liverpool FC via Getty Images
44/54 10. Manchester United home
Yes, it’s got a devilishly sexy gold monochrome badge. Yes, the red Adidas stripes give it a nice minimalist look. And, yes, absolutely anything would have been better than last season’s gradient garbage. BUT CAN WE ALL PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE ADIDAS GOT THEIR MATHS WRONG? It commemorates the famous 1999 treble win – so shouldn’t they have released this last season? Please, write in, email in, abuse me on Twitter – whatever. I need answers.
SCORE: 9.25
Getty Images
45/54 9. Chelsea away
Preppy. Oh, yes. Clean. Classy. Coquet. Looks like something Roger Federer would wear at Wimbledon. Just a pity the socks aren’t also white.
SCORE: 9.3
Chelsea FC via Getty Images
46/54 8. Arsenal third
A late addition. But well worth the wait. Add Adidas x Arsenal to the list of all-time great combinations, alongside salt and vinegar, Lil Nas and Billy Ray Cyrus and The Independent and irreverent football kit reviews. Adidas describe this little worldie as a “dark blue kit with yellow detail featuring Climalite technology to keep you dry with mesh ventilation panels below the sleeves to help regulate body temperature”. Our description is better: HUBBA, HUBBA.
SCORE: 9.3888888888889888888888
Adidas
47/54 7. Crystal Palace away
Another dark, asymmetrical kit from Pupa with bold as brass accents. Another fat, fat W.
SCORE: 9.4
Getty Images
48/54 BONUS! Manchester City heritage
The kit Manchester City wore to win the Community Shield (in association with McDonalds) against Liverpool. On another note: a round of applause, please, for David Silva’s Lazarus-like lid.
PA
49/54 6. Crystal Palace third
Sublime. We’re massive fans of that lesser spotted refracted sash. Squint a bit, and it almost looks like the cover of David Bowie’s Aladdin Sane. Not his best work. Definitely behind Low, Station to Station, Young Americans, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, Blackstar, Heroes, Hunky Dory, Diamond Dogs, Let’s Dance, Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps), The Next Day and the second side of The Man Who Sold The World. But ahead of the all others. Sorry, Lodger.
SCORE: 9.9
Crystal Palace
50/54 5. Arsenal home
Yup. That’s exactly what an Arsenal home kit should like. Red shirt. White sleeves n’ socks, with a bit of dark blue thrown in for good measure. Makes a welcome change for the Gunners after their miserable four-year partnership with Puma, whose kits always looked like they were designed only with the sole purpose of throttling your nipples.
SCORE: 10
Arsenal FC via Getty Images
51/54 4. West Ham away
Brilliant all round: from the claret and blue cuffs to the Basset & Gold shirt sleeve sponsor – which somehow manages to be more quintessentially West Ham than the actual club badge itself.
SCORE: 10.5
West Ham
52/54 3. Everton away
Sure, it’s bold, but come on – how can you possibly dislike the classic hue of ‘living coral’? This is undoubtedly Umbro’s biggest win of the season, with the navy shorts offsetting the pink perfectly and the tonal diagonal stripe pattern adding even more class to proceedings. No wonder Moise Kean left one of the biggest clubs in Europe to rock up at Goodison Park. He just wanted to get his hands on this.
SCORE: 27
Everton FC via Getty Images
53/54 2. Leicester third
Like, why has nobody done this before? Take the absolutely classic 1990 Germany World Cup kit pattern, and make it … PINK. And not just pastel pink, like Manchester United’s admittedly lovely away kit last season. No, full on, burning hot fuscia. Just look at James Maddison’s wee smile. He’s delighted. If you don’t like this, you’re either boring or old. Or both. Sorry. It’s the second best kit in the Premier League this season, behind only…
SCORE: 465
Leicester
54/54 1. Arsenal away
In the words of Mr James Hillier Blount, better known by his stage name James Blunt: “You’re beautiful / You’re beautiful / You’re beautiful, it’s true.” Takes an absolute classic of the kit genre – Arsenal’s endlessly iconic 1991 – 1993 ‘bruised banana’ – and puts a fun, funky twist on it. Wear it to five-a-side. Wear it on a date. Wear it to the Warehouse Project. Wear it even if you support Manchester United, or Chelsea, or Spurs. Just embrace it, whoever and wherever you are. Because that’s what football is all about, after all. Supporting one another, savouring the game and spreading the love. Thanks for reading. And if you want me, you’ll find me in a dark corner of the Arsenal megastore, breathing deeply.
SCORE: 43980439549058690
Arsenal FC via Getty Images
Wolves’ win, thanks to Matt Doherty’s opener and Daryl Janmaat’s own goal, lifted them out of the bottom three and gave a much-needed boost to a league campaign which has been hampered by their Europa League commitments.
The club’s first European campaign for 39 years began back in July with the qualifying rounds and Wanderers have reached the group stage of the competition but Nuno admits they have had no time to work on their game in training as a result.
Wolves travel to Turkey this week to face Besiktas on Thursday and then face a tough trip to the Etihad Stadium to play champions Manchester City three days later.
Nuno said: “We have to grow and improve when we are on the field, we don’t have time to on the training ground.
“We are recovering and playing so you have to do other things to improve your performance. This is a new thing for a lot of the players.
“Other things? You have to travel, I don’t know how many miles, you have to be ready to train after you play because you have a game two days after, it’s very tough.
“Big teams do it, we are doing this now and we want to embrace it. We are doing well and all the squad is ready to go. It’s tough, it’s difficult.”
PA
