Name: Slag Ltd
Age: DOA.
Appearance: Ruined by killjoys.
Isn’t this that company your mum runs? Puerile jokes like this are exactly why Slag Ltd wasn’t allowed to be registered as a functioning company.
It wasn’t? But what if Slag stood for something really important, like Stop Looting Ancient Ground? Doesn’t matter. It could be a charity dedicated to eradicating all disease as we know it, but that name would still be banned.
Who banned it? Companies House, which has named 86 other would-be firms that weren’t allowed to register last year, thanks to risque names.
Amazing. Name some. Royal Nuts Ltd was banned. Purple Helmet Bikes was banned.
Keep going. Cat Shit Coffee was banned. Crap Ltd was banned. Tits On Bikes. Cocks On Socks. AnusBeauty. All banned.
Any more? Top Dogging Ltd, FashionFuckery, Toss Charity, Panda Knob Ink, Knickers Knackers Knockers, Stop Making Everything Shit Ltd and TittyGoHard.
These are companies? They sound like unused Bond Girl names. Well, they’re not companies. The would-be directors of each of them were forced to start again with less contentious names, so we’ll never find out the exact nature of the service provided by Knickers Knackers Knockers.
Knickers, I would have thought. Or old horses. Or decorative door furniture. Or perhaps Knickers Knackers Knockers was a charity for people who simultaneously disparaged underwear and testicles. So many possibilities, all lost in time like tears in the rain.
And Slag Ltd? It is but a ghost now, possibly only existing as an abandoned Facebook page with no information and no followers. Oh, the dreams its founders must have had. Oh, the potential that has now been squandered.
All because it sounded a bit rude. Exactly. A Companies House spokesman told the Sun: “The index is a publicly available statutory register and it’s important that it is not abused by being used to register offensive names. A company must not be registered by a name if, in the opinion of the secretary of state, its use by the company would be offensive.”
So there’s a chance that secretary of state for business, energy and industrial strategy Greg Clark might have personally overseen the removal of TittyGoHard? It’s possible. He is the MP for Tunbridge Wells, after all. He’s probably quite easily disgusted.
At least the Companies House index is smut-free now. Tell that to Bum International.
Do say: “This censorship is an outrage”.
Don’t say: “You’ll be hearing from my lawyers Grabbit, Yankitt and Spunk”.
