There are bound to be some things you need to look out for when you get into the specifics of dating a trans woman. As with anyone, preferences vary when it comes to what they like in bed, what their favourite things are, and so on. It’s a mistake to take anything for granted.
Here is our quick guide to proper dating etiquette.
Either Do Research or Don’t Ask Questions
The details of being a trans woman may be very interesting to you, but she probably doesn’t find being asked about them as thrilling as all that. Do research online about this inconsistency between the brain and the body in terms of being born into a gender that you feel isn’t yours. This is not something most trans women want to talk about, at least not outside of a medical office. It’s sometimes referred to gender dysphoria. Again, you’ll find a wealth of information about this online.
Expect Their Body to Change
If you’re planning on dating a pre-op person, be prepared for their body to change and don’t try to talk them out of surgery. This is not something people just decide on spontaneously. Sex change or “sex realignment” surgery is very expensive, complicated, and painful. Trust us, they’ve thought this one out. If you’re dating someone and pressuring them to forgo surgery in any way, you may be stopping them from going in a direction that is closer to their true nature. Most trans people have body dysphoria and they will want their bodies to change at any cost.
Don’t Let your Sexual Fantasies Dominate the Encounter
There’s nothing wrong with having sexual fantasies about trans people, but it shouldn’t be at the fore. If they’ve shown an interest in dating, that means they’re looking for a relationship. Please know this person doesn’t exist for your sole gratification. If they feel they’re being fetishized, they’ll walk away. The more willing you are to fulfil their needs, the more likely they are to do the same for you.
Respect Their Wishes
Don’t assume anything about trans women or any women for that matter. If in doubt, ask your trans partner what pronouns they use. Before moving to physical contact, make sure they are comfortable with that and want it too. For example, a trans woman may feel uncomfortable with her primary or secondary sex characteristics and not want you to look at them. As she becomes more used to you, she might start to adapt a little. It’s important not to push her because she’ll be turned off very fast.
Be Prepared for Judgment
Eventually, people are bound to find out you’re dating a transgender person, especially if your relationship grows and becomes deeper. The woman you’re seeing will want to meet your family and friends at one point. If you keep putting that off, it will look like you’re embarrassed about seeing her. There are bound to be some kind of social consequences, which will vary depending on your location.
People will think what they will. Don’t expect them not to react, but don’t be offended either. If you’re a man dating a trans woman, some people might think you’re gay. Let them think that. You don’t have any explaining to do.
On a final note, people in some parts of the world are less tolerant than in others. If your culture or country is not the most tolerant of gender identity expression and you meet your partner in public, you might find yourself in danger. As unfortunate as that is, discretion is advised if you’re concerned about your safety.
