WHY is the phrase “kids say the funniest things”, when it should be “kids say the most earth-shatteringly inappropriate things and why won’t the ground swallow me up?”
The more time I parent the more often I find myself trying to squirm out of horrendously awkward situations my little darling has put me in.
Stewart Williams – The Sun
Either that, or deflect the embarrassment of another parent as their child points out “that lady has chicken pox, Mummy” when in fact I just have my period and hormonal skin.
As children get older it gets worse. They’re not as cute so people are not as forgiving.
But they learn to copy so morph into these little grenades that could spew out a sentence you said in frustration earlier that day, word perfect.
They cannot remember what a baby cow is called but they can remember you called Daddy a useless lump.
Thanks for that little one – nobody likes a grass.
I must say that Delilah, who is nearly six, has been my worst for this sort of skin-crawling embarrassment.
When she was three we were at the velodrome in London and I took her to the toilets for a wee.
As we stood washing our hands, the lady from the cubicle next to us emerged.
Stewart Williams – The Sun
Delilah squealed with excitement and exclaimed in front of everyone in line for the toilets, “we just heard you do a massive poo!”
How do you recover from that? I almost claimed the “massive poo” as my own to save her scarlet blushes but the damage was already done.
Massive poo Mary had to just dry her hands and leave in silence, all because of my daughter’s David Attenborough-like exposé of her bathroom habits.
I have also been on the receiving end of other children’s random comments.
As I mentioned, my spotty face is fair game, but recently I was getting my nails done (I know, such a princess), and a little boy who was there with his mum sauntered over.
I asked him in my annoying “Mum voice” what character he had on his backpack. He responded, with slightly misplaced venom “I hate you, lady”.
He then proceeded to hit my hand with his toy hammer. It hurt more than I could let on. The little angel’s mother was distraught and full of apologies.
Stewart Williams – The Sun
I was sweetly smiling saying it was OK, they all do it . . . even though I’m pretty sure the hammer bit was OTT.
There should be a code for how to deal with these cutting insults from minors, or at the very least a look that says to the other adult, “I’m so sorry my child just said you are pregnant when you are very clearly a man. Soz about that are we cool?”
On the plus side, I’m pretty sure saying whatever you want with no consequences comes back around in old age and I personally can’t wait.
Can I start now, 32 is pretty old isn’t?
