Laura Craik on home delivery etiquette

However shy or antisocial you may be, if you live in this great metropolis of ours, sooner or later you’re going to have to talk to your neighbours.

This won’t be because you’ve run out of the proverbial sugar, but because one of you — or possibly both — has a raging Amazon, Zara or Hello Fresh habit and will be forced to take a parcel that may or may not smell of prawns. ‘Next door’s not in. Can I leave it with you?’ the delivery driver will plead, with the air of a man who has 31,074 more drops to make by lunchtime. And you will acquiesce, even though you were upstairs waxing your legs when the doorbell rang, and your neighbour is a stranger who only moved in two weeks ago. Within moments, you will be googling David Kahadarik and learning that he works in HR for Reuters. 

With parcel deliveries projected to grow by up to 28 per cent a year until 2021, it’s time for some simple rules of etiquette to be laid down — for the drivers, as well as their recipients. It is not, for example, permissible to sling a parcel through an open upstairs window, as one driver was reported as doing earlier this week. Nor is it okay to deliver to some random other address on your street, on the basis that they’re in and will accept it.

No one wants to stagger two blocks clutching a battered box containing 12 bottles of wine, like I did recently when Yodel decided to deliver it to my local newsagent. And it is definitely not cool to leave things on the doorstep because you can’t be arsed waiting for the recipient to answer the door. This isn’t Balamory.

Recipients: if the delivery object is very large — shelves, a plasma TV — it’s okay to get the hump if your neighbour doesn’t pick it up within 24 hours. Curse the object blocking your hallway, but do not kick it: that’s bad karma. If you find yourself redelivering the object yourself, don’t bear a grudge: just assume your neighbour will do the same for you. Never take a peek inside: that’s nosy. Even if it’s humming. Sex toy, or something more sinister? It’s just not worth the risk.

Up all night  

Blame it on everyone’s admirable, if tedious, obsession with wellness, but for whatever reason, the last bank holiday of the year seems to have morphed into nothing more exciting than an extended opportunity to indulge in some DIY, fire up the Weber and sink a few 3.8 per cent craft beers. When I first moved to London, there was only one thing to do on the August bank holiday. You raved and raved until you fell down, and then you got up and did it all again the next day. Diehard party people will be pleased to note, then, that the bank holiday alldayer/allnighter is still alive and well: you just need to look harder. For those who can’t afford a weekend in Ibiza, Full Circle’s Summer Alldayer at Brixton Jamm is the perfect substitute. I’m in. Oh, wait. I’m at a BBQ. 

Slippers, but make it fashion

‘My only joy is a cuddly toy,’ sang Roachford in 1988 (shut up; it’s a tune). While my own life isn’t quite so tragic, as a person who still keeps her childhood panda on her bed, it’s fair to say I’m a sucker for a stuffed animal. Where is she going with this? you may be thinking. Why, I’m going straight to Demna Gvasalia’s latest wheeze, a pair of ‘Hug Me Bear’ slippers made of cotton, alpaca and mohair — and a mere £680. When I heard this, I marched straight into the garden, wrestled my nine-year-old’s unicorn slippers from the jaws of the dog and slung them in the washing machine. LFW’s look = sorted.