'I'm angry ex let our kids meet his new girlfriend a month after we separated'

This week Coleen advises a reader whose ex partner of 12 years introduced their two young sons to a new girlfriend one month after they separated. She says…

Dear Coleen,

My husband and I separated a month ago and have set the wheels in motion for a divorce.

We were together for 12 years and have two young sons.

Although I’m feeling a bit lost after the separation, I know it was the right thing to do and I’m glad I no longer have to live with my ex’s selfishness and sulks any more.

My issue is, he’s already moved on with someone else – unbelievable, I know.

Our kids went to stay with him last weekend and this woman was there and also slept over one of the nights.

When my sons told me, I was so angry and couldn’t believe my ex would be this insensitive and stupid. It’s confusing for them – they’d never even met this woman and suddenly she’s staying at their dad’s place with them.

Needless to say, I had a raging argument with my ex, who told me it wasn’t a problem, the boys were fine and I was the one who was making it into a big deal.

I don’t know whether he’s doing this to hurt me or whether he’s just totally thoughtless and stupid.

I’d love your advice.

Coleen says,

I agree, I think it’s way too soon after your separation for a sleepover with the new girlfriend and he didn’t even give you the opportunity to prepare the children first and answer any questions they might have.

He’s ­basically created a big mess for you to clear up.

I know it’s really difficult when the separation is still raw and there are so many intense emotions, but I think you have to try to have a conversation about what’s in the best interests of your kids, without a screaming match.

If you can’t do this together, then get a mediator to help.

If he was trying to hurt you, then you have to explain to him that the people he’s potentially damaging here are the kids.

When children are involved, it’s so important to keep things as steady and normal as possible, and provide lots of reassurance.

Even if you can’t concur on anything else, you should be able to agree on putting your children’s wellbeing first.

Who knows if this woman will still be around in another month’s time?

While everyone is entitled to move on with their lives after separation and divorce, most people would wait until they were certain a new relationship was serious before they introduce a new partner to their kids.

He either wants to get back at you – or maybe this relationship has been going on for longer than a few weeks.