I am on tour right now, and I have been looking forward to being on the road for the longest time. The decision to tour was made a year and a half ago, and I have been working up the material ever since. (I guess what this means is that “the longest time” is actually 18 months.)
I read an interview a long time ago with one of my favourite rappers, Redman, where he said he was really worried about how his new album was going to be received. Until that point, I always had the impression that he did his thing, and that everybody else’s opinion was irrelevant to him. After reading the interview, he seemed slightly different, having expressed his vulnerability.
That interview has made me a bit wary about expressing my own thoughts on this tour so far, as I know punters want to believe the same about comedians: that they do not give a shit what people think, and say whatever they want to say. And that is true, to a certain extent. I don’t think there is a single routine in my show that someone hasn’t found offensive, but that hasn’t led me to alter the content. I don’t think you should put yourself at the mercy of individuals who have taken offence.
However – and I am fully aware that this is very much a case of complaining that your diamond shoes are pinching a bit – I have had some anxiety about doing a big tour. These are the biggest venues I’ve ever played, and while that is extremely exciting, there is also the added pressure of there being more people to disappoint. With comedy, unlike music, you are not performing material that the audience have already taken to their hearts, but material they have never heard before and are making a judgment on for the first time. It can be terrifying.
Working up a show is always difficult. You scrap all of your material and go out to clubs with brand new ideas to try out, and no safety net of jokes that you already know work. I remember starting to write a new tour and doing an hour of brand-new material to an audience of about 40 people in Leicester. It wasn’t working very well, as is often the way when you’re starting out with it, and about half an hour in a woman piped up and said, “Can’t you just do your old stuff?” I made a joke about it at the time, but that woman’s voice haunted my dreams.
This time, my pre-show anxiety has been the worst ever, which is extremely problematic when you work in a medium that requires you to be relaxed and loose. I am conscious of the fact that people are spending their evening with me; I am conscious of the fact that they have spent money; and I am conscious of my responsibility to give them the best time I possibly can. That means I have to try and shut out the voices telling me that this room is too big, and that these people are going to hate me by the end of this. I have to ignore the fact that this voice in my head always sounds like Katie Hopkins.
As soon as I get the mic out of the stand and start talking and getting an audience response, the worries go and I enjoy doing my favourite job. But every single night of the tour so far, during the hour before I go on stage, my anxiety gets the better of me. It’s around then I’m really scouring the job ads for new teaching posts.
