How to handle life when you're a highly sensitive person

Do you often find yourself taking things to heart, over-analysing situations and obsessing over the small details in life?

If you’re nodding along thinking ‘yes!’ you might be a highly sensitive person (HSP).

You’re not alone, it’s estimated as many as 1 in 5 of us are – and most won’t even know there’s a recognised psychological term for it.

Psychotherapeutic counsellor Mel Collins, who’s new book The Handbook for Highly Sensitive People, £10.99, gives her advice on how to cope…

What does being highly sensitive mean?

Essentially, you process emotions more deeply than the average person.

Those with HSP tend to be deep thinkers, reflective, and more reactive to emotional events in life, whether positive or negative.

You may also pick up on subtleties in moods and body language that others may not.

The HSP checklist

Tick all the boxes where the statement applies to you.

If you find you’ve ticked off most of them then it’s a good indicator you’re someone with highly sensitive tendencies…

1. Those around you often say, ‘You are too sensitive for your own good,’ or that you need to ‘toughen up’
2. You often feel overwhelmed when around large groups of people and need to withdraw
3. You are acutely sensitive to loud noises, crowds or negativity and often feel like you need to escape
4. You are highly intuitive and can sense if something is wrong, even if others are unaware of it
5. You tend to be affected by other people’s moods
6. You can feel deeply hurt and find yourself closing off/down when criticised, judged, betrayed, cheated on, or lied to

Try these practical solutions to eliminate some of the problems you face when you’re highly sensitive…

I find myself becoming a sponge to other people’s emotions 

The solution: Take steps to protect yourself, so you can avoid soaking up too much negativity from the people and things around you.

One way to do this is by practising this spotlight method…

Stand in a relaxed pose, arms by your sides, and visualise a pure white light beaming down.

Now imagine yourself stepping into the beam of light and visualise it protecting you throughout the day.

Spend a few moments allowing the light to flow through the top of your head down to the soles of your feet, and then step out into your day feeling energised and protected.

I often feel like my friends or partner don’t appreciate me

The solution: Become aware of the relationships you have, and notice if they are reciprocal.

Is there a balance between giving and receiving, and talking and listening?

If not, work towards bringing these back into better balance by expressing your feelings.

Try telling them: ‘I feel upset when you…’ This way you’re taking ownership of your feelings and not putting blame on them.

I constantly struggle with negative feelings like shame, hurt and unworthiness.

The solution: Working towards accepting and managing your emotional nature, rather than resenting or resisting it, can be enough to help you cope better with emotionally charged situations, instead of letting them control you.

Try these…

*Stop comparing yourself to others.

 It will only make you feel bad. Everyone is on their own path – concentrate on yours and you will reach your goal quicker without these distractions.

*Eliminate self criticism.

You can do this by befriending your inner critic and acknowledging that while it may be present, you have the ability to counter that nasty voice with a positive one.

If you’re going through a hard time try saying to yourself, ‘This is what I’m capable of right now, and that’s OK.’

*Practise self-compassion.

You may have overly high expectations of yourself.

This could be anything from the number of hours you work to what you want to accomplish in life – so setting realistic and achievable goals, instead of ones that are impossible or induce huge amounts of stress, is a very important part of self-compassion and self-love.

But remember, at the end of the day, being highly sensitive isn’t all that bad

Your emotions may make you feel overwhelmed at times, but there are many good sides to being sensitive.

So if you feel down, just remember:

*You are often a great friend since your high levels of compassion and understanding will draw people to you.

*You probably possess the useful ability to see the bigger picture in tricky situations.

*Your enhanced intuition will often allow you to get a good sense of who to trust.

Mel Collins is the author of The handbook For highly Sensitive People, £10.99, Amazon.co.uk.