Ex Saturdays star Frankie Bridge, 31, reveals in her own words how she turned her life around from a long battle with panic attacks, depression and anxiety…
I spent so long trying to hide my depression, because I didn’t understand it myself.
I really loved being in The Saturdays and there were some amazing moments, but this horrible illness took over.
It was a big shock for the girls when I first went into hospital. They had to pick up the pieces and carry on as a four, deal with people asking questions, and wonder if their band member was going to come back.
Luckily, they were supportive of me. Even when I came out of hospital it was a shock for them to see me have a panic attack, but we just got on with it. Everyone thought I was happy, and it just goes to show you never know.
(Image: Redferns via Getty Images)
Just because someone’s life looks amazing, that doesn’t mean it is.
People would wonder what I had to be sad about, and I get why people feel that way. God, I feel it too. That’s part of the guilt.
I have this lovely life, but that’s the point, anyone can have a mental illness. Anyone. Yet people in the public eye are perceived to have it all.
I was born an anxious person.
I’m sad because as a child there were things I should have been able to enjoy, and I didn’t because I was worrying about things going wrong and people getting hurt.
I look at my kids and I hope they’re not like that. I’d have trouble breathing, but there was never a point when I realised something wasn’t right. I thought it was just something scary that happened to me.
(Image: Nigel Wright)
It sounds cheesy, but my kids have taught me to find joy in the smallest things.
It could have gone either way when we had kids, but they gave me a purpose. Their needs force me to get out of bed and they show me I can’t control everything in life.
My boys are only four and six and I’m very mindful of the things they’re scared of. I check in with them and make them feel better about their fears. I guess I’m a bit paranoid. I’m always wondering if one of them has got my brain.
It must be hard for Wayne not to take it personally when I’m having a down day.
He could have left right at the beginning when things got hard. He didn’t and that says a lot about his character and hopefully his love for me. He knows now that I don’t need him to fix anything. He knows I’ll come out the other side.
(Image: Comic Relief via Getty Images)
I’m honest with the people I love.
If I tell someone and have a cry, I know I’ll feel better. It’s the little things and it’s nice to know that someone else is there. It wasn’t always like this. I didn’t tell my family about my stay in hospital.
There was no need to be ashamed, but it meant I had to admit that I’d been hiding something for so long. How was I so unhappy yet living the dream? I don’t feel like that any more.
Sometimes it takes being happy to realise that you’re unhappy.
Which is the most bizarre thing.
I’ve accepted that I’m not going to be fixed.
I have definitely grown up and I understand myself a little bit more. I’m not on edge all the time, but I still have my days. This is who I am and I need to get on with it, in the best possible way that I can.
My Secret Snapshot
(Image: Comic Relief via Getty Images)
The Sport Relief trek in Namibia was a huge roller coaster of emotions. The first day was probably one of the hardest of my life. It turns out I’m no good at cycling.
And everything is dead out there – we didn’t see anything alive apart from beetles. I had massive blisters on my feet and the medic had to burst them all and wrap them up before we set out to walk 24 miles the next day.
Early in the morning when it was cloudy and cooler I found it easier, but by 8.30am it was already roasting. But I did have a moment arriving in camp on the first night when I thought, “This is just amazing”.
There were times when I felt all my anxiety building and I could feel the tears in the backs of my eyes. Rob Rinder stuck with me when that happened.
Louise Minchin was my benchmark, and when she fell off her bike in the sand after 30 seconds I thought, “Well, I have no hope.”
Sam Womack kept me going, we stuck together. It wasn’t about being super fast, it was about getting to the end and doing it together.
My sons were only interested in whether I saw a snake or a scorpion – thankfully, I didn’t, but Wayne was really proud of me.
There were times when I wanted to give up, but I somehow managed to push through. I really hope my experience shows people with mental health issues that you can still do the things you want to do.
– Open: Why Asking For Help Can Save Your Life by Frankie Bridge is out now (Cassell, £18.99, hardback) and available to order HERE
