Dear Coleen,
My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months and things are going well. He’s a really great guy and everyone warms to him – well, everyone except my sister that is.
For some reason she can’t stand him and makes it really obvious by ignoring him when we’re all together, not inviting him to things or just being downright rude to his face.
He takes it on the chin and even finds it quite funny, but I feel really hurt by it.
I have confronted her about her attitude and she just says stuff like, “What are you talking about?” or “I barely even know him”. I’ve told her to be nicer, but she’s still the same!
My sister is quite an angry person and anything that happens is always someone else’s fault or someone else’s problem, and I suppose we’ve just all got used to the way she is. She has three young children and a husband she’s always shouting at. Basically, I’d like to be able to see my family without worrying about how she’s going to behave. And, although my boyfriend takes it all in good humour, inside it must get to him.
What do you think?
Coleen says
There’s no obvious reason why your sister would behave like this, so I think she might be envious of you and she’s directing these toxic feelings at your boyfriend because it’s easier and safer than directing them at you. She sounds like she has her plate full with three young kids and a marriage that doesn’t sound particularly happy.
You, on the other hand, don’t have these responsibilities and stresses, and are free to enjoy yourself with this great guy who everyone loves!
You could try having a heart to heart with her, and instead of making it all about your boyfriend, ask her if she’s happy and coping OK because she seems angry a lot of the time, especially with other people who don’t deserve it.
Tell her you don’t like seeing her like this – but if you can’t get through to her, then don’t go to family events if she hasn’t invited your boyfriend.
Make a stand.
Also, perhaps if you back off a bit she might give some thought to the way she’s been behaving.
