Dear Coleen
I’ve got terrible social anxiety to the point where I start stammering and falling over my words if I have to speak to someone new – and sometimes it happens when I’m in a group of people.
I feel I always make a fool of myself and can’t relax – like all eyes are on me.
I was always quite shy as a child and took a while to make friends, but now I’m in my 20s it’s really starting to affect me at work. I’m sure everyone in the office thinks I’m odd and talks about me behind my back.
I do try with conversations – I don’t avoid people but I always end up saying something stupid and going bright red because nerves get the better of me.
The other day, for example, I told my boss this inappropriate story about the time I got locked out of my flat and had to go to the loo in the front garden.
Instead of stopping and changing the subject, I just carried on with the story, digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole. He looked at me like I was mad. Can you help?
Coleen says
Social anxiety is really common and I know cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can be effective because it gives you great coping mechanisms.
I think it’s easy to get into a negative cycle because you get hyper aware of yourself and expect to stammer or say something inappropriate.
You’re overthinking it, so of course it doesn’t feel relaxed or natural.
I think it’s great you’re not isolating yourself socially but sometimes it’s OK to sit back and listen, and wait for someone else to start a conversation.
Remember you’re not alone and most people in life will be intimidated by certain social situations.
People think because I’m on the telly I can carry off any social occasion with ease, but I’ve stayed awake at night dreading an event.
What’s good is that you’ve recognised you want to tackle it and you can overcome it. It’s also worth remembering that people aren’t thinking about you all the time, they’re too absorbed in their own lives.
