Dear Coleen

I’ve been married for just over a year and I already want out. My husband and I are both in our early 20s and our families have been friends for years.

My older brother and sister are both married, and left home several years ago. I did think there was a real spark with my husband when we started dating after uni, but I didn’t want to rush into getting married.

However, my mum and his mum kept going on about it and when he proposed, I said yes because it seemed to be what everyone else thought I should do.

We hadn’t been dating long enough though and didn’t really know each other. Now I have no idea what I saw in him. He seems lazy and boring, and never wants to do anything.

He’s happy working in a dead-end job, while I’m ambitious.

 

I wake up at night wondering what the hell I’ve done and how I can get out of it. Most of my friends think I should leave him, but I know he’ll be devastated and our parents will be too.

I’m dreading having those conversations. Please help.

Coleen says

You’ve realised you’ve made a mistake by trying to please your family instead of trusting your instincts about this marriage. But you can’t stay married to someone you’re not in love with to keep other people happy.  

I understand it’s hard to have these conversations, so perhaps the way to put it is that you feel you rushed into the marriage, you’re not happy and want a separation to see how you feel.

I think you have to be strong when it comes to your mum and not let her sway you into staying.

Start the ball rolling and once you do, you’ll feel more in control of your life again.

This is your life, and your mother isn’t the one who has to live with your husband and make a life with him. It’s your choice.

Of course it’s a sad situation, but everyone involved will get over it and move on, and learn some lessons too.

Hopefully, your mum can acknowledge her part in this and she’ll leave you to make your own decisions in future.





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