Dear Coleen: I love my boyfriend but I've been sending flirty texts to his cousin

Dear Coleen

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’ve been seeing someone I love for just over a year.

We’ve talked about maybe moving in together next year and we’re extremely close.

However, I’m confused because I’ve been having this flirty thing with his cousin, who I’ve known for years as we were in the same class at school.

I’ve always got along well with him and even had a snog with him when we were 18, but nothing else ever happened.

Then recently, we were all out for a drink in a big group of people, and his cousin whispered in my ear that we should get together because it was obvious we found each other hot.

Since then, I’ve thought about him a lot and we’ve sent each other some suggestive texts.

I’m becoming more and more attracted to him.

I do love my boyfriend, though, and don’t want to hurt him, so why am I on a mission to ruin it all?

All this flirting is building up to us having sex, even though I know it’s all wrong.

Have you any ideas on what I should do?

Coleen says

Yes, nothing – if you really are serious about a future with your boyfriend.

You’re young and perhaps this is a sign you’re not ready for serious commitment or it might be that you’re not as in love with your boyfriend as you think you are.

There’s a difference between acknowledging that other people are attractive (that’s normal) and even being a bit of a flirt, and then talking about getting together and exchanging sexy messages.

If you’re not ready to commit to your boyfriend, then don’t lead him on. End it or take a break and reassess things.

It always helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes – how would you feel if he were doing this with your friend or your cousin?

Not great, I imagine, and you’d probably dump him if you found out. So bear that in mind.

And, what kind of guy is this cousin who’s up for doing the dirty on a member of his own family – it doesn’t cover him in glory, does it?

You have a chance now to make the right decision – whether that’s ­splitting up with your boyfriend and deciding where you go from there, or telling this cousin to sling his hook!

This might all feel very thrilling at the moment, but there are always consequences – guilt on your part and potentially broken friendships and relationships.

If you really want to get together with the cousin, then end it with your boyfriend first.