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Dear Coleen: Friends judge me over casual sex after my relationship ended



Dear Coleen

I’m a 28-year-old woman and I split up with my long-term boyfriend a few months ago. We’d been together since we were 17 and we both realised we’d become different people and were more like friends than lovers.

Since then I’ve slept with quite a few guys. I’m enjoying being single and never had the chance to date and experiment when I was younger because I was always in a serious, committed relationship.

The sex is pretty meaningless in that I’ve never wanted to start a relationship with any of these guys I’ve slept with, but it’s still fun and I enjoy being desired again and made to feel attractive.

The thing is, my friends are really weird about it – I feel they’re judging me for having one-night stands.

They’re all in relationships and they’ve stopped wanting to go out with me and have even made a few barbed comments about me “going on the prowl” and who I’ll be taking home after a night out.

Maybe I’m being oversensitive, but I hate that I’m being looked down on when I’m not doing anything to hurt anyone. Can you advise?

Coleen says

Maybe they’re a bit jealous that you have the freedom to date and sleep with different men. I think as long as you’re genuinely having fun and being careful, then who cares what other people think? So long as you’re not doing it because you feel unhappy and lonely.

When you’ve been with someone a long time, especially if you got together young, you naturally don’t want to

get straight into another serious

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relationship. It’s good to take time out to discover what you want and to just enjoy being single for a while.

The next time one of your friends makes a snide remark, just say, “That kind of comment makes me feel like you’re judging me a bit. But I’ve just come out of a long-term relationship and I don’t want another one right now.”

It’s good to make sure this sense of being judged isn’t anything to do with how you’re feeling about yourself, though.

Also, of course, coming out of a serious relationship is a good opportunity to see more of your friends and focus on other relationships in your life.





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