People keep asking me how I’m doing during this period of self-isolation and quarantine because of the Coronavirus, and I’m unsure what to say. Am I surviving? Yes. Am I staging full-on productions of All That Jazz wearing nothing but a red Christmas blanket? Also yes. Is that why I’m surviving, perhaps? A thousand percent.
Quarantine has gotten weird, guys. Now that I’ve ripped through everything I wanted to on Netflix, organised my wardrobe (i.e., moved all the crap to a place I can’t see it), and caught up with everyone I’ve ever encountered since birth, I’m bored. So bored. And that boredom is manifesting in behaviours that would typically seem bizarre but now make total sense. Like dancing. Alone. In in the pitch black. In my living room. After drinking a bottle of wine. To the same song on a loop. I think Jessica Lange did something similar on a season of American Horror Story, and her character was literally going insane. For me, though, it was just Saturday night.
And Monday night, and Tuesday night, and Wednesday. No, I’m not staging full-on discos every day, but I am doing at least one thing that borders on unhinged — and not intentionally, either. When I say unhinged, I don’t mean physically or emotionally harmful, just kooky. I think finding humour in the absurdity of what I’m doing indoors is helping me cope with the true absurdity on the outside. Translation: Doing the Bad Romance choreography while staring straight into the eyes of the Gaga photo I have blown up and framed in my kitchen is my coronavirus coping mechanism.
A few celebrities out there get this too. They’re not performing pop shows for inanimate objects, per se, but they are exhibiting some, erm, off-kilter behavior and posting it for the world to see. I feel completely seen in their wackiness. And if you’ve also been flirting with your lampshade on and off for the past week, I think you will too.
Behold: The most delightfully deranged things celebs have done while in quarantine.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s makeup look here
Actor and comedian Julia Louis-Dreyfus posted this *interesting* makeup look on Instagram, with the caption: “Happy to help get the message out ?@cagovernor #StayHomeSaveLives”
Actor Kristin Chenoweth belting out a random opera note while putting cheese on pasta, dressed in a Winnie the Pooh onesie
Ina Garten making a cocktail the size of a 9-year-old child
January Jones wearing an opulent rainbow kaftan in the middle of the day and dumping an entire box of baking soda into her “detox bath” Also: her neon mask and beer dancing
Actor Leslie Jordan making enough chicken salad “for an army” while waxing poetic about the time he took an “illicit substance” at a New York City nightclub
Cardi B screaming bloody murder at her computer screen and yelling expletives in full glam
Madonna replacing some of the lyrics to Vogue with the phrase fried fish. Sure!
Dame Judi Dench wandering around her house in a dog hat
Jessica Chastain “spying” on people and seeing things that only make sense in a Willy Wonka movie
Arnold Schwarzenegger having a formal meal in his house alongside a live pony and donkey
And last but not least, Julianne Moore vacuuming her lawn for… reasons?
