I THINK we’re missing the point about Downing Street hiring an adviser who thinks black people have lower IQs than whites and the poor should be sterilised.
Sorry, make that a Prime Minister hiring a chief of staff who believes people who think that way are geniuses deserving a bonus rather than the sack.
The hiring of Andrew Sabisky wasn’t an error of judgement, it was deliberate. Hence the 32 times Boris Johnson’s spokesman refused to condemn the self-styled super forecaster’s Third Reich For Dummies manifesto.
When Dominic Cummings said he was re-drawing Whitehall in his own image by filling it with “misfits and weirdos” he was deadly serious.
And as Johnson’s protector-in-chief, it makes sense. If your boss is a racist misfit, on record as flirting with eugenics and castigating the poor, the best way to make him look normal is to surround him with even weirder and more dangerous cranks. It’s the perfect camouflage.
Imagine the brainstorming session when Greece steps up its demands for the Elgin Marbles.
WEIRDO: “Write and tell them they belong in the British Museum as the visitors there have higher IQs than the average Greek goatbanger.
“And get our top moussaka-muncher Prince Philip to sign off the letter with a note saying he may be 98, but unlike them, he’s still got his marbles.”
JOHNSON: “Genius. Just the language Global Britain needs.”
Don’t be surprised if Downing Street’s payroll is soon filled with the following misfitting weirdos who aren’t afraid of speaking Johnson’s thoughts for him.
Glenn Hoddle, who once reportedly said that people in wheelchairs are paying for sins from a previous life, will be disability adviser.
Geoffrey Boycott, who feels a no-deal Brexit would be the best outcome for us because we single-handedly won two world wars, has to be chief EU trade negotiator. Tommy Robinson nabs the multi-cultural affairs brief and Jeremy Clarkson could crack the road congestion problem by outlining the cleanest way to kill all cyclists.
Katie Hopkins, who believes we should turn gunboats on migrant ships as they’re full of human cockroaches, will be
immigration adviser.
And Edwina Currie, who wants to ban food banks because they encourage the poor to spend all their
benefits on ciggies, dog food and tattoos, could be Johnson’s perfect poverty tsar.
Prince Andrew would make a great media aide, briefing MPs on how to dig holes so deep they end up a mile outside of Sydney.
Ex-UKIP councillor David Silvester, who said floods were God’s revenge for gay marriage, could help out DEFRA right now, and ex-MEP Godfrey Bloom, who joked that women who don’t clean behind the fridge are sluts, is a shoo-in as equalities supremo.
They could even invite geniuses from abroad to think outside the box, such as Donald Trump as environment guru. In between morning dumps, he could send tweets telling the Cabinet how climate change is a
Chinese invention to shut down US factories, and wind turbines are just bird cemeteries.
And a clever way to finish off the BBC would be hiring Alan Partridge as head of commissioning, pushing through his favourite pitches Cooking In Prison, Monkey Tennis, Inner City Sumo and Youth Hostelling With Chris Eubank.
This will all happen, trust me. How do I know? I’m a super-forecaster. Gizza job, Dominic, go ’ed, gizza job.
