Dear Coleen
My boyfriend of 10 years lives with me in my house, but he doesn’t contribute to the mortgage, only to a few food and electricity bills.
He has his own flat, which he rents out, but keeps the money. He rarely buys me birthday presents, and we rarely have sex.
He’s distant and cold, and will often make plans without me.
I love him, but I don’t think he loves me. In the past, I’ve found flirty messages from other women on his phone, but he laughs them off or tells me to stop being so nosy.
I’m quite overweight and I don’t have many friends. My self-esteem is low, so I sometimes think this is all I deserve. At other times, I want to confront him, but I’m worried he’ll tell me he doesn’t love me and that it’s over. Can you help?
What would you tell this reader to do? Join the discussion in the comment section
Coleen says
This does sound miserable and I’m so sorry you think you deserve so little. Sit him down and have a proper conversation. Tell him truthfully and calmly how you feel and ask him how he feels.
It might be difficult to hear what he has to say, but believe me, it’s better to know where you stand now than in another five or 10 years down the line. If, however, he doesn’t want to break up with you, then things need to change.
For a start, if he’s living with you, then he absolutely needs to start paying his way. He can put the rental income from his flat towards your mortgage, for example.
At the moment he’s living like a lodger who barely pays rent, while making zero effort as a boyfriend.
It’s simply not good enough and you deserve so much more.
