Geordie Shore’s Vicky Pattison has shared a heartbreaking photo of herself in tears ahead of collecting her fertility results.
The 31-year-old was recently engaged to John Noble, before calling off their relationship after she allegedly caught him cheating.
However, during the course of their time together, the reality star had grown fond of the idea of becoming a mum.
Getting candid about her wild past, she has now spoken out to her Instagram followers about how she was unsure whether or not she’d ruined her chances of conceiving.
Alongside a photo of herself with tears streaming down her face, she wrote: ‘This is a picture of me the morning that I had to collect my results from the fertility clinic.
‘I am usually quite a strong, together woman- but on that morning I felt like a scared little girl.
‘Tormented by the possibility that my childish decisions over the years may have stopped me from being able to have a baby.’
The TV personality continued: ‘Until recently motherhood has not been something that I considered- it wasn’t a role I wanted to play.
‘But since turning 30 and almost getting married- since feeling like I was maturing as a person the desire to become a mother is something that has grown inside me and even though my circumstances changed – I couldn’t turn off that feeling.
‘Something has awoken inside of me and it’s impossible to ignore.’
Vicky went onto confess that she has lived a life of ‘excess’ and will still enjoy the occasional drink, however, she has decided to change up her lifestyle.
‘I’ve slut dropped and down jäger all over the world for people’s viewing pleasure and I have never once considered the ramifications of my lifestyle long term and in this moment, when this picture was taken – I hated myself, for being selfish, reckless and lacking the maturity to see that I could be causing great emotional distress for myself in the future,’ she explained.
‘In this moment, I was all too aware of the possible consequences.’
Vicky went on: ‘Since getting my results I have endeavoured to live a healthier lifestyle, sure I still like a drink here and there – I’m not completely turning my back on gin – but this experience was a wake-up call.
‘If I want to have children I need to start looking after myself so I’ve been trying to sleep better (unsuccessfully so far but I’m working on it) eat well and be more active…
‘It might look like I’ve been a proper work-shy toerag this last month doing yoga in Bali and hiking in Cyprus but quite frankly I’ve been trying to come to terms with the changes I need to make in my life.’
Wrapping up her post, she concluded: ‘I don’t know for definite if motherhood is in my stars – I’d like it to be but we’ll just have to see – but what I do know is that beating myself up over my past won’t help me conceive – so I am going to stop and take control of my present and project positivity for my future.’
Vicky Pattison: No Filter airs tonight at 10pm on Quest Red.
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