Movies

Unless Tilda Swinton plays David Bowie’s Goblin King in the Labyrinth sequel I don’t want it


Unless Tilda Swinton is the Goblin Queen, get your sequel away from me (Picture: Rex/Getty)

This week, us fans of David Bowie’s iconic film Labyrinth made our thoughts well and truly known when it was reported Doctor Strange director Scott Derrickson was going to be helming a sequel.

It was like there was an international record rip that reverberated through our hearts as we read the news.

Now, don’t get me wrong, if anyone can ace such a film it’s the man who helped bring us the delightfully quirky Benedict Cumberbatch as the wondrous sorcerer. But why the flippin’ heck do we need a Labyrinth sequel? Tell me that.

Are we just meant to be happy it’s not a reboot? Is that what you want, world?

The 1986 film, which centres around Sarah (played by Jennifer Connelly) searching for her baby brother Toby, who has been captured by the dastard Jareth (Bowie) and his goblin crew, is absolute perfection.

While it might not have done really anything at the box office when it was released, it’s most definitely reached cult favourite status and if you don’t have yearly viewings of the brilliant flick, then what are you even doing with your life?

But that doesn’t mean a sequel is necessary.

Who can even come close to Bowie? (Picture: Sony Pictures Televsion)

I’m not alone in this, with social media punters getting all sorts of riled at the thought of ruining this pièce de résistance in the catalogue of Bowie magic.

It seems to be happening though, even with the blessing of Muppets master Jim Henson’s family, who will produce alongside Derrickson, according to a report by Deadline.

If they must mess with a classic, that no one asked them to tamper with, I have one request: Tilda Swinton.

Or Lady Gaga, a close second.

Swinton, here in The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe, comes close (Picture: Moviestore/REX)

That’s right, we’ve already got our casting call sheet in motion and we have some demands, should you studio executives want to line your coffers by reworking something we hold oh-so dear.

Give us Swinton, and I promise not to riot.

C’mon, it makes all the sense in the world to have the star step into such a role – and that’s before I put on my feminist cap and shout all about how awesome it would be to bring us a Goblin Queen in 2020.

I don’t want to speak for the legend that is Bowie, may he rest in brilliance, but let’s be honest – it’s exactly what he would have wanted.

But Swinton is my Goblin Queen (Picture: Getty)

You could say, she reminds me of the babe – the babe with the power.

That, and Derrickson has worked with Swinton on Marvel’s Doctor Strange, so there’s camaraderie, he knows her. And honestly, the woman’s got so much range I’ll throw all my glass orbs at your head if you think she can’t play a Goblin Queen.

Swinton not available? Got a prior commitment playing some other whacky character? I’ve got the perfect stand-in – Gaga.

Oh pardon me, not that Gaga is ever a stand-in, but think about it – who better to sing about putting a magic spell on a baby than Stefani Germanotta herself.

I hardly remember what Gaga looks like when she’s not in some sort of fabulous stage costume, so what’s a pair of elf ears and a glorious golden mullet between friends?

I’d also accept Gaga (Picture: Jason Merritt/Radarpics/REX)

My casting wishes – which are echoed all around social media, may I add – aside, I just don’t see how a sequel will ever measure up to the dizzying heights of the original, which one may argue is our own fault for placing such importance on a film.

Because when has a sequel, delivered more than 30 years down the line, ever truly whet our whistle?

Labyrinth is a work of art – from the soundtrack, to the casting and the sets; the costumes and Bowie’s Jareth wig and cape deserve to be in a museum.

When we’ve seen so many sequels and, the dreaded word, reboots, go down like Ludo being untied by Sarah, I want to protect our dear Labyrinth with all I’ve got.

Unless, that is, our Goblin Queen Swinton is up for the challenge?

Do you have a story that you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk

Share your views in the comments below.

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