The Weeknd
After Hours
I don’t usually like to encourage artists who release six-minute songs, but let’s make an exception for the Weeknd who has, once again, messed up a relationship with a goddess. This uses the classic sad intro- banging middle-sad end structure that he perfected on House of Balloons and also the classic “Why God why are you singing about sex like that” lyrical style that you may recognise from every song he’s ever released. I’m not sure how he’s so inured me to it that he can now sincerely sing: “I’ll be livin’ in heaven when I’m inside of you,” without making me boke – but congratulations to him for that, I guess.
Selena Gomez
Feel Me
Selena Gomez stans have been demanding the official release of Feel Me ever since a demo version leaked what feels like about 400 years ago (2017). It’s a bit unfortunate for artists that this proves the theory that thousands of fans relentlessly requesting something can pay off, but it really is good news for our ears. Petty humans everywhere will unite under the banner of torturing their exes in perpetuity and I am here for it.
Allie X ft Mitski
Susie Save Your Love
Finally, a song for people whose best friends are dating knobheads! Obviously the you-also-being-in-love-with-your-best-friend thing is an optional extra. Specifically relatable elements aside, it’s rare for Mitski to agree to a feature but you can hear exactly why: it sounds like Jennifer Paige remaking Crush as a millennial guitar girl.
Phoebe Bridgers
Garden Song
There is a thrilling disconnect between this deeply sad song and its video, in which a pyjama-clad Phoebe gets whipped by muppets’ trunks. But that’s art for you! The sort of song that (sans video) you can listen to over and over again to make you feel as sad as possible until you cry yourself to sleep thinking about some imagined devastation in your life, AKA my entire 15th year.
The Strokes
Bad Decisions
Whatever it is in the stars that has led to the Strokes releasing a song in 2020 that is actually quite enjoyable is not to be trusted. Then again, maybe it’s just that Dancing With Myself is a huge tune and they’ve basically nicked the melody. Anyway, it’s not bad, even if Julian Casablancas sounds more bored than ever and seems to have forgotten that you don’t need to shout if you have a microphone in front of you.
