Well, it all panned out more or less as expected to enable the sages to sit back comfortably in their armchairs. The general consensus was that on a flat, green pitch the ball might do a bit in the first couple of hours at Lord’s and then batting would become a much more straightforward exercise as the sun scorched any lingering demons. And so it proved. Sort of.
Now take a look at the scorecard and gasp. England, having won the toss on a cloudless day, were bowled out by Ireland for 85 in 23.4 overs, their shortest completed Test innings in this country. Tim Murtagh, the Middlesex stalwart, snared five for 13 in his first and only spell of nine overs.
Then as the surface began to change colour like a chameleon, Ireland managed to compile a first-innings lead of 122. In its own way this outcome was just as staggering as the conclusion of the World Cup here 10 days ago. It was just that there was more time for an astonishing sequence of events to sink in.
This was supposed to be a gentle dress rehearsal for the Ashes for Joe Root and his men. Four days would be sufficient (they were probably right on that score). The Irish, with half a dozen doughty cricketers in the autumn of their careers, would provide gritty but none too taxing opposition before the first Test against Australia next week. But it did not quite work out like that. Down in Southampton, where the Australians are engaged in a fierce battle among themselves in preparation for the Test, they may have stopped snarling at one another for a while to embark upon a group guffaw.
In front of 20,000 spectators, which constitutes a triumph for those in charge here, England’s batting displayed all the solidity of a blancmange. And so the famous hum at Lord’s became rather more animated and confused.
However the match situation means that there may be some compelling cricket ahead, far more than anticipated. England will have to play well to get out of this mess.
Next week at Edgbaston England’s latest top three will be confronted by a pace attack that consistently exceeds 90mph. Perhaps they will prefer that to the slow torture, so skilfully delivered by Murtagh, who cruised in from the Nursery End just as he has been doing here in county cricket over the past dozen years. Murtagh propelled his missiles at little more than 75mph, slow enough for the batsmen to contemplate how they might combat him and then to consider changing their minds. On this emerald surface Murtagh found a perfect length and line; the batsmen prodded and poked and he either found their pads, their outside edge or, in the case of Jonny Bairstow, the stumps.
Murtagh was masterful, hitting the seam, finding just enough movement and ultimately mesmerising a worryingly fragile English middle order. At 37 he became the fourth oldest seamer to take a five-wicket haul in Test cricket since the war after Courtney Walsh (38), Richard Hadlee (39) and Geoff Chubb (40), the last of whom was playing for South Africa against England in 1946.
The alarm bells did not ring too loudly at the start despite the early departure of Jason Roy in his first Test innings. Roy would have been lbw if Mark Adair had not overstepped but in the next over he was caught at slip when prodding hard at another probing delivery from Murtagh. Even so England reached the relative tranquillity of 36 for one whereupon there was mayhem. Joe Denly, who would end as England’s top scorer with 23, was lbw to Adair, and thus became the first of six wickets to fall for seven runs.
Rory Burns fell to Murtagh, who would soon dispatch Bairstow, Moeen Ali and Chris Woakes, none of whom managed to get off the mark. In the meantime Root was patently lbw to Adair though for the first time in their brief Test history the Irish had to resort to using the review system to send the England captain on his way. There were a few thumps from Sam Curran and Olly Stone but England were all out before lunch and before reaching three figures.
By late afternoon Ireland had reached the dizzy heights of 132 for two, which meant that utter humiliation for Root’s side was on the horizon. The Irish openers had been removed by Sam Curran, Root’s fourth port of call, but then Andrew Balbirnie and Paul Stirling added 87 together. Both were missed behind the stumps from thin edges off Stuart Broad, who was not quite able to hide his frustration.
Now the Irish innings stuttered though not so spectacularly as England’s earlier in the day. Broad and Stone made inroads, taking three wickets each with the latter catching the eye. Stone sometimes exceeded 90 mph, sometimes he contrived some movement in the air away from the right-handers and he seemed to know where the ball was going to land. On a grim day this was the undoubted highlight for the England camp. Curran also conjured three wickets without moving the ball much, which is a handy attribute.
Kevin O’Brien, the 50-ball centurion of Bangalore, batted as if he was playing in a Test, eking out his runs with barely a shot in anger, an unusual approach on Wednesday. Meanwhile Murtagh gave himself some room and swung merrily finding the boundary four times against Broad, which only appeared to add to the bowler’s exasperation. England’s latest opener, Jack Leach, survived the one over of England’s second innings to complete a bizarre day of Test cricket.
