This is how we do it: ‘The TikTok algorithm figured out I was gay before I did’

Evelyn, 36

In many ways I feel like I am having a wonderful second puberty

When I fell in love with Katia, I was married to a man. I was 34 and had never even kissed a woman. I thought I was straight, which now seems extraordinary to me, but it’s amazing how much you can repress. When I had sex with men nothing felt glaringly wrong, but any initial sexual desire I felt would fall off a cliff two months into the relationship, after which point sex became an obligation.

I assumed that all straight women fantasised about other women while they were having sex with their male partners. When my friends told me they actively enjoyed sex with their husbands, I thought they were lying to me. Looking back, I was rather confused.

Katia and I shared an office, and I gradually became aware that I was following her about with my eyes every second of the working day. She has very beautiful muscular arms, and she wears a lot of sleeveless shirts. The TikTok algorithm figured out I was a lesbian before I did: all I did was watch queer reels on repeat. Eventually I plucked up the courage to tell my husband I was gay.

After my marriage unravelled, I invited Katia to join me for a one-on-one night out to a queer rave – quite a pointed hint. We ended up in her bed, and she took the reins because I had no idea how to have sex with a woman. For the first few weeks of our relationship, I was too embarrassed to even try to finger her in case my technique was all wrong. Katia and I have been together for two years now, and I have honed my skills by copying all the amazing tricks she tries on me.

I take antidepressants, which makes it trickier to reach orgasm. With my ex-husband I didn’t even try to address that issue, mostly because I wanted sex with him to finish as soon as possible. Katia has been very tender and reassuring about my difficulty climaxing. She came up with the idea of incorporating a vibrator into our sex sessions to get me there, which is something my male exes would have felt too insecure to suggest. In many ways I feel like I am having a wonderful second puberty: I’m aroused all the time and, at last, my body is not a total mystery to me.

Katia, 32

I had her labelled as my straight, married co-worker

I always found Evelyn very gorgeous, but I didn’t allow myself to indulge in that feeling because I had her labelled as my “straight, married co-worker”. It gradually became apparent that she was not entirely straight, though. All her attention was directed at me in the office, and there was this unmistakable softness in her eyes when she looked at me.

My self-confidence was very low at the time. I was recovering from a breakup and had almost given up hope of finding someone. It felt quietly miraculous, having Evelyn look at me like that. I probably wore more sleeveless shirts to work than was strictly necessary.

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The first time we had sex was surreal. I couldn’t believe Evelyn was in my bedroom with her shirt off. We were both so jittery our nerves were shot, so there were no big climaxes. I knew it was her first time with a woman, and I was happy to take the lead. She is a natural and picked things up with extraordinary speed. She is particularly skilled at taking my bra off one-handed.

Generally we start sex off with an extended kissing session. We begin sitting up, facing each other in bed, and we will generally have sex in that position because it’s the most comfortable to kiss in. We can easily just kiss for an entire hour, but at a certain point the clothes come off and our hands will migrate downward. It’s almost like a challenge of will power: how long can we prolong the kiss before one of us puts a hand between the other’s legs? It’s never clear who will give in first.

We have added a vibrator to our routine, to make it easier for Evelyn to reach orgasm. In the first few weeks of our relationship I had a little nagging insecurity, worrying that I had lost my touch. But then she told me about the medication. My goal is to make Evelyn feel as good as she possibly can, and if a vibrator helps, I say bring that sucker out. What I love about the sex is the opportunity to be close to Evelyn. And I still can’t really get over her boobs. I plan to commission an artist to do an oil painting of them.

How do you do it? Share the story of your sex life, anonymously