Scream famously listed out all the rules to survive in a horror movie way back in 1996 – it was truly ahead of its time.
Thanks to horror geek Randy Meeks (Jamie Kennedy), we know not to have sex, do drugs or assume the killer is dead.
Since then, how many times have we screamed ‘turn around, he’s behind you’ or groaned when the next inevitable victim says ‘I’ll be right back’, confident that we’d be better equipped at evading a gruesome fate if we lived in Haddonfield or Elm Street?
Watching the protagonist make seemingly silly mistakes can be the most infuriating thing with watching horror films – but sometimes fun working out what we’d do differently.
By now, we all (should) know the basic rules of surviving a horror movie.
But there are a few more that’ll definitely get you to safety and out of the grasp of the deranged serial killer with a mask and weapon. Unless you’re an already savvy Final Girl, of course.
Never accept a Craigslist advert
Listen, we know times can be hard and freelance videographers have bills to pay too.
We’re just saying, if you see an advert on Craigslist or Gumtree advertising a job at a vacation home situated in the middle of the woods, it’s more than OK not to go.
It didn’t work out for Aaron in Creep, and it won’t work for you either.
Never go to your ex’s dinner party
A bit of relationship advice with this survival tip – they’re your ex for a reason. No good can come from accepting an invitation to have dinner at your ex-wife’s house with her new husband.
You will fall victim to a murderous cult like Will did in The Invitation.
Never befriend the overzealous neighbour
If people come knocking on your door claiming to live down the street, they probably don’t and they probably do want to kill you.
Selma Blair thought she was going for a simple cottage break with her husband and son in In Their Skin. When they got a strange wake-up call from another family at 7am, they did think it was suspicious but still invited them round for a cosy dinner that evening.
The strange family of course wanted to steal their identity before killing them. They probably should have sussed things would go left when even the child starting acting suspiciously.
Which brings us nicely onto the next point…
Don’t trust kids
Seriously, there’s nothing creepier than kids in horror. Whether they’re the actual killer, like in Orphan, or helping the killer, they’re usually up to no good. Think: Damien in The Omen, Children of the Corn and Samuel from The Babadook.
And even if they’re on the good side, often times they’re just plain annoying like Charlie from The Purge and make an already bad situation worse.
So basically, when dodgy things start going down in your town and kids are around, it’s probably best to avoid the little rascals at all costs.
Be extra cautious if you’re black
Controversial but let’s face it, ethnic groups are usually one of the first to get bumped off in a slasher. It’s an extremely tired trope but if you’ve got melanin, be extra cautious.
Jada Pinkett Smith and Omar Epps didn’t even make it past the opening credits in Scream 2.
But maybe things are changing – there are some who have managed to make it to the end or, at least, lasted longer than anticipated.
Chris Washington in Get Out, Karla Wilson in I Know What You Did Last Summer, and dare we say, Busta Rhymes in Halloween Resurrection.
But still, probably best to look over your shoulder.
Always suspect your boyfriend and his friends
After Scream, we’re a little more cautious now when our boyfriend sneaks into our bedroom through the window. That’s definitely creepy behaviour and we’re not sure how Sidney didn’t suss Billy out straight away, to be honest.
Always find a weapon
We’ve lost count the amount of times our lead stars hear a strange sound in their huge house, and go to investigate with no weapon to defend themselves.
It’s survival 101, people.
Never have a huge party
If there’s a killer in town knocking off your neighbours one by one, having a big party where everyone’s together sounds like a great idea but actually, it just makes it easier for the killer to find you.
Best to just get the heck out of town.
Don’t download apps…
…That’ll tell you when you’re going to die. It’s never going to end well like our friends in Countdown learned the hard way.
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