Name: The Rio Ferdinand suitcase.
Age: New.
Gone into the luggage business has he, as well as the punditry and a controversial nutrigenetics firm? Not so much into it, as on to it.
Meaning? His face is printed on a suitcase.
Whose suitcase? Where? Why? Whoa, one at a time. First: Kate Wright’s suitcase.
The ex-Towie star? And Rio’s fiancee (#MrsFerdyToBe).
And where? Instagram, obviously, and the airport. Kate and 16 of her closest friends jetted off – easyJetted, by the looks of it – to Mykonos for a secret hen do.
Can’t have been that secret. “We decided to have a social media detox to actually enjoy ourselves rather than be on our phones checking Instagram 24/7 …” Wright wrote. On Instagram.
And now they’re back, detox over. Correct. “Be prepared for a LOT of piks,” she wrote. And she wasn’t lying.
Including one that showed Rio had made the trip, too? Face on the case, muggage on the luggage, stag on the bag.
Hunk on the trunk. Is it a thing, printing loved ones on luggage? Well, it probably will be now that Kate has shared it with her 1 million Insta followers. There has been a mini-trend for doing it with blankets, so perhaps this is just the next logical step.
I can see the appeal of wrapping yourself warmly in the person you love when they are not there, but stuffing your dirty knickers and flip-flops into them – that is not quite the same, is it? But think how much more fun baggage reclaim would be. Also, it is much less likely that anyone is going to take your bag by mistake. In Kate’s case (case – get it!), you would probably get a bunch of Brits breaking into a chorus of Rio as he appeared on carousel No 2.
What if the luggage handlers were Man City or Liverpool fans – wouldn’t a suitcase emblazoned with the face of a Man United legend be more likely to disappear altogether? Possibly, but there was no way Kate’s hen do was going to be totally Ferdinand-free: she also carried a cuddly toy with Rio’s face, which seems to have made it on to the plane.
As seen on Instagram? Obvs. “Strapped in and ready for take-off Hun,” read the caption.
So blankets, luggage, toys – where will this madness end? Printing your loved one on your own body? What, you mean like a tattoo?
Oh, yeah. Knickers, then, is that acceptable? Great idea. See you on Dragon’s Den.
Do say: “Did you pack this man yourself?”
Don’t say: “Is that John Terry?”
