How affectionate are you with your colleagues? If the thought of touching anyone in your office makes you shudder, then you will empathise with those who say hugging and kissing should be banned at work. One-third of employees, according to a survey by TotalJobs, said they had suffered awkward greetings from colleagues attempting to navigate the social minefield of saying hello. “What’s new there?”, you might be thinking. After all, we are British – everything is a social minefield. Count the times you’ve gone in for two kisses when the other person has only expected one.
We are not a nation that is naturally physically affectionate, and though the Europhiles among us may envy the easy intimacy of the French, the fact remains that many of us are uncomfortable with physical contact, even from those we know well. Half my family, for instance, will pat you on the back throughout a hug until you finally pull away and resume the distance between you.
With colleagues, the awkwardness is compounded. A quarter of the survey’s respondents said they have become trapped in an unwanted hug, while a distressing 13% have had an accidental kiss on the mouth “thanks to ill-timed air kisses” (yeah, that’s what they always say).
The #MeToo and Time’s Up movements have drawn attention to the sexual harassment of women in the workplace in crucial ways. “You can’t even put your hand on a girl’s knee these days,” some (usually older) men have grumbled, begging the question: why were you doing that in the first place? If it is at all possible for your flirting to be misinterpreted as creepiness, then you clearly need some lessons.
No doubt there will be complaints that an outright ban on physical affection in the office would bring an end to any workplace flirtation whatsoever – maybe, one suspects, from people who have historically failed to understand boundaries. Most women have negotiated such menaces at one time or another. At the very least, explicitly banning such inept handsiness (or, as some might say, assault) could save HR departments a lot of time and money.
If the boundaries need to be so radically redrawn to make staff feel comfortable, then perhaps a ban is necessary. After all, we are teaching children about consent now, telling them that they don’t need to hug or kiss anyone if they don’t want to. But preferable to a ban would be wider societal change (which we are happily starting to see) wherein people don’t feel entitled to each other’s bodies and respect boundaries even when it is not made explicit in office policy. Though that thing where they stand behind you at your desk and start massaging your shoulders: I’d definitely ban that.
