Football

The Fiver | It’s a sorry farce that matches are being played at all


HOT HOT HEAT

And so to Africa, where the Cup of Nations has stumbled into action in conditions steamier than Weird Uncle Fiver’s rare collection of stamps. It’s made for some sticky pitches and the kind of ponderous football not even José Mourinho would be proud of. Mind you, with the thermometer set to reach a sizzling 41C (105.8F) in Ismailia when Cameroon kick off against Guinea Bissau later on, it’s a sorry farce that matches are being played at all. It’s the first tournament that has been held in summer after organisers could no longer bear listening to the loud and prolonged whinging noises emanating from Europe over the loss of players every other winter, so they gave in and voted to shift it. So much for player welfare!

And the result is that only the weather has threatened to set the tournament alight so far, with favourites Egypt grinding out just a 1-0 win against Zimbabwe, Ivory Coast beating South Africa by a single goal in a Cairo sweatbox and second favourites, Nigeria, winning a war of attrition with Burundi thanks to a goal from 2016’s Odion Ighalo. It’s like watching George Graham’s Arsenal on repeat! Oh Afcon, how could you! Understandably, the race for the Golden Boot is not shaping up to be a classic. Just the 20 players share the lead on one goal apiece and not one of them is Mo Salah.

But The Fiver’s going to wager that things will get a lot spicier on Tuesday when Ghana come to town. The Black Stars have had a completely normal buildup to a major tournament, with level-headed former Sunderland legend Asamaoah Gyan retiring after learning he was to be stripped of the captaincy only to make a rapid U-turn when the country’s supreme leader, Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo, got on the blower and told him to pick up the toys he had just thrown out of his pram and get on the first flight to Cairo. “A presidential request is one that cannot be disregarded,” sniffed Gyan.

He’s since been given the not-at-all-just-made-up-on-the-spot role of ‘general captain’ by manager Kwesi Appiah, who has handed the regular on-pitch armband to West Ham legend André Ayew. The Fiver’s fully expecting combustion in Egypt, with or without the additional agitator of intense heat. Not that Appiah is bothered, he’s used to off-field nonsense. “The captaincy is nothing,” he shrugged, in the buildup to their opener against Benin. “The most important thing is to have unity in the camp. I think this is the best camp I have ever witnessed in my six or eight camps with the national team.” It’s a low bar. The Fiver’s backing Ghana to bring some much-needed drama to Afcon but in the searing heat, it will probably be off the pitch.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Paul Doyle for Italy 2-0 China in the Women’s World Cup at 5pm BST, then Scott Murray will be on hand to bring you MBM coverage of Netherlands 3-1 Japan at 8pm, Oh, and Paul will be back at 9pm with hot and steamy coverage of Ghana 1-0 Benin in the Cup of Nations.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“None of the officials hired me saying what happens to me depends on what I do in the Copa América. Because if they had then I wouldn’t have taken the job. I’m not handing over my post. If they want to fire them, then fire me. Another coach will come in and the same things will happen, they are asking for results when we can’t provide them. Let’s see who explodes first” – Hernán Gómez gets his fresh funk on after Ecuador crashed out of the tournament.

Ecuador!




Ecuador! Photograph: Natacha Pisarenko/AP

RECOMMENDED LOOKING

David Squires goes there.

Yep.



Yep. Illustration: David Squires/The Guardian

FIVER LETTERS

“I was horrified to read in Big Paper that 37% of British international rugby players and 43% of England cricketers were privately educated, compared with just 5% of international footballers. This outrageous inequality must be corrected immediately by focusing all efforts to Stop Football in the state school sector” – Tim Cole.

“It’s not really football but this is quite a first three paragraphs for a Big Paper obituary. Norman Stone v José Mourinho (in his first Chelsea tenure prime) would have been box office” – Noble Francis.

“By Dutch standards, Aloysius Paulus van Gaal is nothing special (yesterday’s Fiver letters). Pretty boring actually compared to Brighton’s Davy Petrus Wenceslaus Henri Pröpper” – Niels Hermanus Johannes Bartels.

“Re: nominative determinism (Fiver letters passim). At the recent Global Water Summit hosted in London, there was a speaker called Lee King” – Graham Ward.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Tim Cole.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Former South Yorkshire police chief David Duckenfield will face a retrial on a charge of gross negligence manslaughter over the deaths of 96 people at the FA Cup semi-final between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest at Hillsborough in 1989.

Nottingham Forest are involved in a wild legal wrangle involving the club, former owner, Fawaz al-Hasawi, and a replica of the 1959 FA Cup that has gone missing from the City Ground’s trophy cabinet.

Fawaz al-Hasawi at his home in Mayfair, where a replica of the 1959 FA Cup is being kept.



Fawaz al-Hasawi at his home in Mayfair, where a replica of the 1959 FA Cup is being kept. Photograph: Frantzesco Kangaris/The Guardian

Frank Lampard’s Derby County have given Frank Lampard permission to become Frank Lampard’s Chelsea manager once £4m compensation has been deposited into the Pride Park money box.

Fifa is investigating the behaviour of the Cameroon team during their eventful 3-0 loss to England in the last 16 of the World Cup.

Hedvig Lindahl is pumped up like a giant bouncy castle after her spot-kick stop against Canada helped Sweden into the last eight. “If they doubted I can make any penalty saves, that proved them wrong,” she roared after the 1-0 win.

Megan Rapinoe reckons France v USA! USA!! USA!!! in the World Cup quarter-final will be “wild and crazy”, but just hopefully not in the England v Cameroon way. “This is incredible for the women’s game,” she yee-hawed. “You have two heavy-hitters meeting. I hope the fans are crazy, there is tons of media around it and it is just a big spectacle.”

Fun and games in South America dept.

Bury owner Steve Dale has offered to settle some – but not all – of the Shakers’ debts, meaning the newly-promoted club are likely to start life in League One on -12 points.

And Rotherham have broken their transfer record by splurging £500,000 on Plymouth striker Freddie Ladapo. “They sold me a dream of coming here and doing well,” he cheered.

STILL WANT MORE?

Fancy a spot of late-90s nostalgia? Well here’s Iván Zamorano talking Inter, Real Madrid, Chile and more.

Phwoar!



Phwoar! Photograph: Grigory Dukor/Reuters

Rafa Benítez’s exit is an indictment of a club paralysed by short-sightedness under Mike Ashley, says Newcastle fan Harry Savill. And here’s Louise Taylor on the clash of the control freaks that brought the Spaniard’s Tyneside tenure to an end.

Don’t use Cameroon’s poor behaviour against England to judge the women’s game in general, writes Eni Aluko.

The latest in our Women’s World Cup game-changing moments focuses on Japan’s 2011 heroics.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

BIG IN THE WHITE-WATER GAME





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