Football

The Fiver | Footballers, tax exiles and the government


HANC0CK’S HALF HOUR

Under justified attack for their ongoing ineptitude and obfuscation in the face of the coronavirus pandemic, it was only entirely predictable that the government should attempt to deflect any criticism coming their way by pointing their Big Finger of Blame elsewhere. Step forward Matt Hanc0ck, whose turn it was to stand behind a lectern and address the nation at the daily coronavirus briefing The Fiver and many other UK citizens have come to regard as Time to Uncork the First Bottle of the Evening O’Clock.

Having come up woefully short in ensuring underfunded NHS staff possess, at the very least, the tests and basic protective equipment needed to go about their desperately important and dangerous business, the health secretary responded to one question by attempting to emotionally blackmail top-flight footballers. “I think the first thing that Premier League footballers can do is make a contribution, take a pay cut and play their part,” said Hanc0ck, throwing a group largely comprised of working-class lads who’ve done well for themselves under the bus to distract from his own many shortcomings. And all while conspicuously failing to include assorted folk who earn significantly more than elite footballers, while contributing comparatively less to government coffers because they’re all tax exiles.

“NHS workers have been underpaid for years,” retorted Crystal Palace defender Andros Townsend on Friday morning, coming out swinging (albeit from a socially appropriate distance). “Only 2,000 of them have been able to be tested for coronavirus. This is not right, these people are putting their lives on the line to try and save lives. He is coming out and deflecting on to the easy targets, the footballers, and that doesn’t sit right with me. We do have a responsibility but we are giving back to the community and rightly so. We are in a very privileged position. The community effectively pay our wages.”

Next up was Harry Maguire, a man with a slab of granite for a forehead and a heart of 24-carat gold. Perhaps fearing that any money “raised” from Manchester United players deciding to take a pay cut would simply remain in the pockets of the Glazer family, the club captain instead called on teammates to donate 30% of their wages to help Manchester hospitals. With players from top-tier clubs now following suit and doing the government’s job for them, it will be interesting to see if Hanc0ck takes the credit for nudging them in the right direction or calls on the likes of bankers, hedge fund managers and – heaven forfend – his own party to follow suit by also helping those less fortunate than themselves.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“It was not the right decision to stage the match. It is definitely one to be included on the list for learning and for a future inquiry, so that organisations can learn and not make similar mistakes” – Matthew Ashton, Liverpool city council’s director of public health, says the game against Atlético Madrid at Anfield should not have gone ahead.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

The latest Football Weekly Extra podcast is a Philippe Auclair special and is right here.

Football Weekly

Philippe Auclair on Fifa, Cantona and board games – Football Weekly Extra

FIVER LETTERS

“Teddy Sheringham (yesterday’s Fiver) had way too much class for the superficial Cool Britannia. Speciously labelling some stuff as cool now is why your trousers look stupid, the craft Tin you are drinking is, face it, unpleasantly over-hopped, and that lovingly and expensively constructed vinyl and valve amp setup sounds slightly worse than the radio in your partner’s Ford Fiesta (other mediocre hatchbacks with budget stereos are available). And Teddy was in no way mixed up with anyone having to endure a Menswear gig in 1997” – Jon Millard.

“Can we have more of readers’ least favourite games, please. Mine was Chesterfield’s lengthy round trip to Plymouth in 2004. Five-nil down inside 20 minutes, lost 7-0. Grim” – David Hendricks.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Jon Millard.

NEWS. JUST NEWS

Premier League players will be asked to take a 30% drop in their wages, via cuts or deferrals or both, following a meeting on Friday afternoon. The move came as the 20 top-flight teams said they would give £125m to the Football and National Leagues to help their clubs through the crisis and donate £20m to support the NHS, communities, families and vulnerable groups.

Jordan Henderson has also contacted his fellow Premier League captains to organise a coronavirus fund that will raise millions of pounds for the NHS.

In a bid to prevent premature voiding, Uefa has warned that it may not accept clubs into next season’s Big Cup if they haven’t qualified in the normal way.

And Chelsea have teamed up with domestic abuse charity Refuge to help provide support for people forced to self-isolate in vulnerable situations. “I am proud to lead the club’s support of this worthy cause during such a difficult time for so many,” said Emma Hayes.

QUIZ! QUIZ! QUIZ!

Twenty iconic goals, but who set them up?

Some goal, decent assist.



Some goal, decent assist. Photograph: Ullstein Bild via Getty Images

STILL WANT MORE: ARCHIVE SPECIAL?

They think it’s all over: ex-players on life after the final whistle.

Six years after we started our NextGen series, check out how our first pick of the world’s 40 best youngsters are getting on now. Ousmane Dembélé and Luka Jovic are among the notable names.

While we’re in a nostalgic mood, let’s revel in this classic Joy of Six, where Scott Murray relives goalkeeping calamities from Grobbelaar to Stepney.

In 2008 Rivaldo was in danger of being remembered as a cheat and a mardy bum, but Rob Smyth argued Brazil’s bandy-legged genius was the most unstoppable player since Maradona.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!





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