YOUNG AT HEART
When in doubt, on rare days when the campaign to STOP FOOTBALL gains a temporary foothold, give or take a Sweden v Moldova friendly that serves as the latest road test for the ever more imminent Ethics World Cup in Qatar, there are a couple of mainstays for The Fiver to fall back on.
The Sopranos and Manchester United are ports in any storm. It is almost 13 years since Tony Soprano inhaled his last onion ring and nearly seven since Old Trafford relaunched as a theatre of base comedy. Both of them remain an almost bottomless source of material, especially when the barrel being scraped is not remotely a concern. This week brings the strange case of a tug of love for Ashley Young, who embodies a most poignant Soprano quote: “It’s good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that and I know. But lately, I’m getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.”
Young arrived at Old Trafford in 2011 to play on the wing for Lord Ferg’s final Premier League-winning team and thereafter became one of few regularly reliable and adaptable performers for the list of managerial misfires that have followed. Though he has been decried by those professionally angry types on those oh-so authentic “voice of the fans” YouTube channels, no less than Wayne Rooney offered glowing approval of his former teammate during a recent appearance on Gary Neville’s Soccerbox.
Do Internazionale see Ashley as the final piece of the jigsaw, a marquee signing of a 34-year-old utility man to send San Siro hearts aquiver? The truth is that a cash-strapped fallen giant requires warm bodies to maintain a push for a first title since the days when José Mourinho was manhandling Marco Materazzi in celebration of a treble. The word from Romelu Lukaku and Alexis Sánchez that “Ash” is good in the dressing room has been conveyed to Antonio Conte, a manager who approves of adaptable alleycats. If 38-year-old Zlatan is the answer to Milan’s prayers then why not?
United’s response has been to offer Young a new deal. That repeats an HR strategy that keeps Phil Jones – another member of the unheralded Class of 2011 – at Old Trafford until 2023 and the Glazers shelling out the highest wage bill in English football to a group of players undeserving of a place among the iconography of red-shirted heroes that adorns the Legends Fast Food emporium on Sir Matt Busby Way. That said, an artist’s impression of Ashley Grimes was still there years after Big Ron Atkinson flogged the bubble-permed plodder to Luton Town.
Should this be goodbye for the other Ashley, and he chooses to shop on the Via Montenapoleone over Oldham Street, he departs United with winners’ medals from each major English domestic competition and the Euro Vase, too. The best was over for United but he made the best of it.
RECOMMENDED ANSWERING
Niche quiz alert: test your knowledge of Norwegian footballers in England in Scotland in 1998 and, thus, how desirable you are.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“You are the best daddy. We love you very much. You did your best, not everyone would have gone in goal. You were the best in my eyes” – St-Étienne goalkeeper Jessy Moulin’s children are more forgiving than the club’s fans might be, leaving him a comforting note after he conceded six goals against PSG on Wednesday.
FIVER LETTERS
“As a QPR supporter of many years I can heartily endorse Little Ole’s choice of Steve Palmer to stitch his no-hopers together [yesterday’s Fiver]. Palmer came to Rangers just after we went bust in 2001 and played a huge role in stitching us back together as a club and a team. He had the turning circle of a super tanker and pace to match but he was always there in position to meet whatever threat came at the Rangers goal and few actually went past him. I have such high regard for him that I even forgave him when later he went to Franchise FC. Let’s face it, anyone who can organise the likes of fellow intellectual Clark Carlisle, Alex Bonnot, Leroy Griffiths and the legendary Doudou and get them playing for manager Ian Holloway rather than being the divisional whipping boys they were supposed to be deserves all the plaudits that go his way” – David Price.
“First Winks fell out of favour, then Kane’s hamstring twanged, swiftly followed by Maguire’s hip. Now HRH is suffering privacy-gah. It’s a bad time to be a Harry” – Mark McFadden.
“Who is Alexei Lalas [yesterday’s Fiver letters]? Catweazle, obviously. And I hope you continue your occasional series revealing the thoughts of 70s children’s TV characters on modern television series. I mean, what does Captain Pugwash think of Game of Thrones? We need to know. And if it keeps the decade-obsessive-pedants off the letters page for a while it will be doing us all a favour” – Colin Reed
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … David Price.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
It’s Football Weekly Extra!
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The seven UK betting companies with rights to screen FA Cup ties have offered to cancel the exclusivity and allow the Football Association to show games itself following mounting criticism.
Nick Cushing has swapped the Manchester City Women’s hotseat for the New York City assistant’s stool.
Patrick Cutrone is poised to do one from Wolves and join Fiorentina, a mere five months after moving to the Black Country from Meelan.
Mikel Arteta is not going to spend, spend, spend this month. “I’m not expecting big things,” Arteta yelped when asked whether Arsenal make signings. “I’m expecting big things from the players I have.”
Manchester United manager Casey Stoney reckons VAR is too expensive to ever be used in the WSL. “I don’t think we’ll ever be resourced for it because there’s not the money in the game,” she tooted, adding, “no I don’t want it in the women’s game at all.”
Frank Lampard’s Chelsea plan to nag away at Lyon and generally wave money about in a bid to sign Moussa Dembélé. Publicly, Lyon aren’t having any of it. “Moussa Dembélé will not leave because he wants to stay to win something with Lyon,” roared chairman Jean Michel Aulas.
David Moyes is toying with the idea of adding Joe Cole to Taxpayer FC’s coaching staff. “Joe Cole is one of a lot of people who we have talked about,” he gossiped. And they’re very nearly there with re-signing Darren Randolph.
And Newcastle have come under fire for releasing a 2020 calendar featuring several players who left in the summer.
STILL WANT MORE?
VAR seems as far away as ever in Scotland despite Rangers weighing in, reckons Ewan Murray.
Sachin Nakrani marvels at the poise and panache of Jack Grealish in Aston Villa’s Milk Cup clash with Leicester
Misfiring Burnley are facing a battle to survive in the Premier League, writes Martin Laurence
Rain stopped play: Steven Pye looks back on the farcial rain-sodden encounter between Leicester and Southampton in 1983
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