Football

The Fiver | A shiny pot and an evening to remember for eternity thrown in


BIG EVENT

Arsenal and Big Cup: they used to go together like a horse and carriage. Remember when they’d qualify for the competition season after season after season after season? Glory days, heady times. In a good year, they might manage to limit the opposition in the first knockout stage to 10 goals or so. In a great year, eight or nine. One time they even made the final, only to blow it late in a manner that makes you wonder where they get off describing things as Spursy. But times change, and for the last two years they’ve been flailing around, down on their luck, slumming it in Big Vase. Oh grand club of the establishment! How did it ever come to this!

But it’s swings and roundabouts, because they’ve now got a chance, a real live chance, of actually lifting a bit of European silverware. They haven’t managed that since the days of Ian Selley, Steve Morrow and Eddie McGoldrick, a quarter of a century ago. The long wait could finally be over after Wednesday’s Henrikh Mkhitaryan Benefit Match in Baku, and the excitement among the Arsenal ranks is palpable. “We have to be in [Big Cup],” jabbers the Morrow of tomorrow, Granit Xhaka. “We didn’t play there for two years and we have to be there next season.” Ah, the romance of securing guaranteed participation in the early stages of a competition to be held sometime in the future when several players might not even be at the club any more! It’s what he’ll have dreamt of every day as a little boy. Also, there’s the added bonus of a shiny pot, something indelible on the roll of honour, and an evening to remember for eternity thrown in. Let’s try not to forget any of that.

Arsenal’s chances of victory are decent, given opponents and crosstown pals Chelsea don’t appear to be in the best collective frame of mind. In training on Tuesday, Gonzalo Higuaín and David Luiz momentarily channelled the mood of their countrymen during the 1946 South American Championship decider*. It all calmed down quickly enough, but then Maurizio Sarri reprised the famous contemporary dance piece first performed at this year’s Milk Cup final, No Fags For 43 Minutes, and now all anyone can talk about is who’ll be in charge at Stamford Bridge next season, and whether Sarri is off to Juventus the nanosecond this distraction is over. Seems their minds aren’t 100% on Big Vase either, then. Poor Big Vase. Oh well, at least we’ll see some proper passion for the cup from the tens of thousands of Arsenal and Chelsea fans in the sta … eh? What’s that now? Oh Big Vase!

* So, then, the 1946 South American Championship decider between Argentina and Brazil. It all began when Brazil’s Jair Rosa Pinto went studs-up on José Salomón, breaking the Argentinian’s leg in two places. Salomón’s team-mate Juan Fonda squared up to Jair. Brazil striker Chico arrived on the scene to take Fonda by the lapels. Four of Fonda’s team-mates descended on Chico and kicked him around like an old sock. Cue pitch invasion by the crowd, the police wading in with batons, and the teams retreating to the changing rooms. Marvellous!

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Scott Murray from 8pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Chelsea 2-1 Arsenal (aet).

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Even people that we consider geniuses work with other people in order to develop their style. In Argentina, even though Messi is wonderful, they have problems winning the World Cup. My advice to young people is that we have to recognise very few people achieve great things on their own” – Barack Obama leaps two-footed into that Albiceleste debate.

Those live football podcast shows have certainly upped their game.



Those live football podcast shows have certainly upped their game. Photograph: Guillermo Legaria/Getty Images

FIVER LETTER

“Re: Frank Lampard’s Frank Lampard’s Derby County (yesterday’s Fiver). Are we now in full-on Recursive Frank Lampard mode? Well, why not? Here goes:

FD – > FD
n – > FD => Fn – > FD

“That reads: Frank Lampard’s Derby is a Frank Lampard’s Derby. If n is a Frank Lampard’s Derby, then Frank Lampard’s n is a Frank Lampard’s Derby. And there you have it: an infinity of Frank Lampard’s’s followed by Frank Lampard’s Derby. Don’t bother trying to understand any of this, but grab some Tin while you can. With an infinity of Frank Lampards, Derby County will reach critical mass, and collapse into a black hole which will proceed to swallow up the rest of England, to the brief delight and cautious concern of a fair few Scots and Irish, before they too are swallowed up, along with the rest of the world, thereby taking care of Brexit, relegation woes (kind of the same thing, really), terrible owners (ditto), and whether Mesut Özil can be bothered to play come Saturday. That’s it, then. All our worries taken care of, and gone, thanks to Recursive Frank Lampard’s Derby County’s Recursive Frank Lampard. Thank you Fiver, for showing us the light, and all hail Recursive Frank Lampard’s Derby County’s Recursive Frank Lampard, devourer of worlds” – Jesper Valgreen.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is Jesper Valgreen.

BITS AND BOBS

Declan Rice insists he’s not thinking about a move from West Ham amid links with Manchester United. “My focus is fully on playing for West Ham,” tooted the midfielder, whose focus used to be fully on playing for O’Ireland.

A wall, earlier.



A wall, earlier. Photograph: Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images

Andy Carroll, Adrián and Samir Nasri will definitely being doing one from the Hammers when their contracts expire next month.

While looking forward to the Women’s World Cup, France’s Amandine Henry has been talking transubstantiation. “Football is everything for me,” she explained. “Football is my heart, my head, my body. It’s everything.”

Lucy Bronze is keen too. “The semi-final and the final are both at Lyon’s stadium,” she cheered. “I drive past it every day and every single day, I’m like: ‘We’re going to lift [the World Cup] trophy in that stadium.’ That is literally what I think about on my way to training.” English confidence before an international tournament – what could possibly go wrong?

Bury are facing further pressure for the repayment of £4.2m in loans from their former owner’s property company, which has collapsed into administration owing a similar sum.

And new Scotland coach Steve Clarke will not take a hardline approach to players who have taken a hardline approach against playing for Scotland. “I’m not going to close the door on anybody,” he roared.

STILL WANT MORE?

Cambridge and Spurs-on-TV fan Max Rushden on why he got rid of his Big Cup final ticket so he could watch it at home with his dad.

Even victory in Baku in Ethics Big Vase final may not save Chelsea boss Maurizio Sarri, reckons Dominic Fifield.

“If we can inspire one girl, that’s enough but, if we can inspire 10,000, that’s even better.” England’s Georgia Stanway on her World Cup dream.

Georgia there.



Georgia there. Photograph: Carl Recine/Action Images via Reuters

Our latest Women’s World Cup team guides feature Germany and China.

The 4,970-mile Big Vase odyssey.

Ben Fisher picks his teams of the season in the Championship, League One and League Two.

Quiz! Quiz! Quiz!

And this week’s Knowledge tells us all about the most dramatic collapses towards relegation.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

‘RYLAN, YOU SHOULD TRY TO GET SOME SUN’





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