NO NEY NEVER
This time last year the international performance artist Neymar Jr was reflecting deeply on being knocked out of the World Cup by Marouane Fellaini’s Belgium. He vowed to come back stronger and, knowing the character of a man who has risen from humble beginnings to become a global icon, Paris Saint-Germain were sure that over the next club season they would get the benefit of a genius on a mission of redemption. And boy, you should have seen that brace he netted against Guingamp!
Since those heady days in January it’s been downhill for Neymar, however, as injury forced him to sit in the stands as PSG slipped on a Mancunian banana skin in Big Cup. Having only regained fitness in time for PSG’s amusing defeat by Rennes in La French Cup final, Neymar suffered a setback in an international friendly in June and then risked aggravating it by watching the Copa América, where one referee’s treatment of Lionel Messi triggered worldwide giggle attacks. Nonetheless, on Monday, PSG were expecting him to report back for duty in Paris, and when he didn’t show, the club fired off a missive that lent credence to reports that they have finally spotted a flaw in their strategy of indulging their stars’ every whim.
“The player Neymar was due to return to pre-season activities with the PSG senior squad,” declared a pointedly blunt press release. “PSG notes that Neymar was not in attendance at the agreed time and place. This was without the club’s authorisation. The club regrets this situation and will, therefore, take appropriate action.”
Neymar’s father responded by saying the club were perfectly well aware that his son would not be returning on Monday because “we have commercial and institutional events to carry out, events that the Neymar Institute has been doing for the last five years.” Others suggest that the player is hoping not to have to return to PSG at all and would much rather go back to Barcelona, possibly to witness first hand the unravelling of Messi. But PSG’s new-again sporting director, Leonardo, has warned the player that he’d best do as they say until Barcelona cough up a big fee. Quite right, too, because PSG are going to need a replacement: Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting can’t do everything by himself.
“Only one thing is certain,” barked Leonardo. “He is under contract with us for three years. And since we have not received an offer, there is nothing to discuss. We have not received any offers. But we have had, it is true, superficial contact [with Barcelona].” Superficial contact? Well there you go, how could Neymar be expected to play on after that?
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“How can you break into a house in LA and take somebody’s dog? Are you crazy? You’ve come into a house to take a dog? Yo, somebody please find my dog. I’ll pay anything, I’m dead serious. I want my dog back, man” – Daniel Sturridge makes an emotional appeal for the return of his pooch after a burglary in Los Angeles.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Jack Stacey’s position as a ‘Near Blur song’ cannot be questioned but there are of course other equally likely candidates. Ex-Arsenal perma-crock Alex Song neatly dovetails to the End of a Century b-side Alex’s Song, whilst Mr Briggs on the There’s No Other Way b-side could be a reference to Northern Ireland goalkeeper Ronnie Briggs. POJT was of course immortalised by Blur in their seminal song Charmless Man …” – Mike Rice
“Fort William can’t be the worst team in Britain given that The Fiver tells us they played 34, drew two and still lost 34. [That’s how bad they are – Fiver ed.] The search for genuine mediocrity goes on. Oh, hang on. It arrives every morning (Australian time)” – David Glanz (and 1,057 other pedants)
“VAR on the ‘Hand Of God’ in 1986 Ceri Rees? Hang on, they’re still sorting out the 1972 FA Cup semi-final replay. Any time now they’ll conclude that Arsenal should never have been given the penalty from which they scored their equaliser. And they’ll finally spot that the man who played John Radford onside later was not a Stoke defender but actually a programme seller whose white coat clashed (slightly) with our strip. So we’ll be declared the winners and through to face Leeds in the centenary FA Cup final. Wembley will be fully booked now so expect the FA to announce that the trophy will be up for grabs when Marcelo Bielsa’s boys come to the Bet365 in August” – David Carr.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Mike Rice.
BITS AND BOBS
Paul “time to have a new challenge somewhere else” Pogba is showing Manchester United R-E-S-P-E-C-T, reckons his Mr 15% Mino Raiola, and the club should offer him protection from criticism. “The player has done nothing wrong,” he sniffed.
Liverpool’s Xherdan Shaqiri is battling to be fit for the start of the season due to the calf-knack he sustained carrying his thighs about the placeplaying for Switzerland against England in June. “Shaq is still [knacked],” parped Jürgen Klopp.
As exclusively* revealed in Monday’s Fiver, Burnley have signed West Brom striker Jay Rodriguez on a two-year deal.
Heart bleeds dept: Premier League clubs are losing £1m-a-game due to illegal streaming, according to an American sponsorship firm that aims to be taken seriously despite being called GumGum Sports.
Héctor Bellerín’s cruciate knee ligament twang is on the mend ahead of schedule and the Arsenal defender hopes to stop prannying around in weird clothes in time to get back into his Arsenal strip by September. Meanwhile Edu has returned as technical director.
Nasty Leeds’ Google alert klaxon for the phrase “Pontus Jansson told a Swedish newspaper” has gone off once again, this time to reveal the striker has said the club flogged him to Brentford as they “needed to balance the books because of FFP”.
*not exclusive
STILL WANT MORE?
Darren Tulett on how it all went wrong for po’ Neymar at PSG.
Sasa Ibrulj outlines the fascinating story of FK Sarajevo, the Queen’s Celtic’s opponents in Big Cup qualifying (yes, already) on Tuesday evening.
Promoted, relegated, liquidated, resurrected – four seasons in one article on North Ferriby’s rollercoaster ride of recent times.
Caitlin Murray on what the USA! USA!! USA!!!’s World Cup triumph means in the fight for equal pay.
Plain Old John Terry could be about to become Newcastle’s Beleaguered John Terry, if the Rumour Mill is to be believed.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
