Animal

Tatler’s guide to being upper-class in Covid-19 times is here


Fancy soap and tinned food are signs of an upper classman, Ocado and floral masks are not (Picture: Getty)

Lately, there’s been more chat of social distancing than social ranking but Tatler is here to remedy all that.

Forever guiding us on the proper thing to do, Tatler is back with an updated list of things that are terribly unbecoming during a global pandemic.

So put down that floral face mask, stop kissing randos, and buy some new soap if you want to be both fancy and health-conscious during a viral outbreak.

The magazine has had a coronavirus-inspired rethink about what makes something upper-class and while using words such as ‘sick’ instead of ‘ill’ was once thought intolerable, that might now get a pass.

But some things that have gained popularity in lockdown are still a no-no (one does not cycle across town, one bikes through town).

One of the top signs of upper-class people is having live-in staff (and extra kudos if they double as a hairdresser).

Some of the other prerequisites of Covid-friendly and posh behaviour include bowing instead of shaking hands, waving in the street, walking, and doing your own nails.

Others may be a bit harder to nail for the average Joe, including keeping chicken, paying for a new hospital wing, investing in Learjet, or having a driver.

But that’s pretty much the point.



Upper-class behaviour post-Covid

  • Being chaste
  • Live-in staff
  • A chest freezer
  • Pictures of your children volunteering
  • Having a driver
  • Doing your own nails
  • Zoom-calling your therapist
  • Waving in the street
  • Open windows, all year
  • Builders’ merchants
  • Bowing instead of shaking hands
  • Separate bedrooms
  • Personal trainers
  • Tinned food
  • Dressing for dinner
  • Owning a bike
  • Holidaying in the British Isles
  • En suite bathrooms
  • Walking
  • Having a pen pal
  • Keeping chickens
  • Paying for a new hospital wing
  • The private room – or booking every room
  • Knowing someone who’s working on the vaccine
  • Investing in Learjet
  • New soap

No matter how much you love your pooches, dogs on the bed are just not the thing to do.

Forget crowded parties, online cocktails, complaining about travel or even the lockdown projects you didn’t finish, for redecorating is classic low-class behaviour.

Say goodbye to your lover on the side too – adultery is uncool.

And for goodness’ sake – no one wants to know about your antibody test, especially if used in conjunction with the phrase ‘the new normal’ which – let’s face it – was never well-liked.

Some things have also been downgraded and lost their status including using a hanky instead of a tissue, Ocado, tapas, and weddings abroad.



Non upper-class behaviour

  • Careless kissing
  • Crowded drinks parties
  • A dirty kitchen
  • Ocado
  • Hugging your parents
  • Complaining about travel
  • Borrowing lipstick
  • Online cocktails
  • Cheating
  • Leaning in at dinner
  • Being late for a reservation
  • Redecorating
  • Sharing cigarettes
  • Dogs on the bed
  • Steam rooms
  • Tapas
  • ‘Festivals’ in your garden
  • Using a hanky, not a tissue
  • Weddings abroad
  • Carrying cash
  • Bare feet
  • Hot tubs on skiing holidays
  • The phrase ‘the new normal’
  • Queue-barging
  • Bringing a surprise plus-one (or plus-five)
  • Discussing your antibody test
  • Homemade masks in floral fabric

Now that we’ve covered what not to do. There are things you can do to maintain or move up your social rank.

You could have a pen pal, dress for dinner, buy tinned food, own a bike, get a personal trainer, Zoom-call your therapist, or invest in a chest freezer.

Tatler advises us: ‘For the first time, being health-conscious is smart, in both senses of the word. That means less sharing of lipsticks, cigarettes, and spouses – but if you must, remember Matt Hancock’s golden rule and, for goodness’ sake, do it outdoors.’

Do you have a story you want to share?

Email metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk to tell us more.

MORE: Tatler reveals the festive items you need to prove you’re fancy

MORE: The Queen appears on front of cover of Tatler





READ SOURCE

Leave a Reply

This website uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you accept our use of cookies.