YOUTUBE star Jake Paul’s wife, Tana Mongeau, says that she lost herself in their relationship.
The 21-year-old content creator – who wed Paul in August, but later revealed that the ceremony was not legally binding, admits that she’s not in the honeymoon period with her 22-year-old husband.
“I’m so unhappy with the way my relationship with Jake looks in the public eye and I’ve done so much pretending that I don’t care what I do. So it’s my fault,” she said in a video on Sunday.
“I loved Jake so much, I still do. But I did so much of being the cool girl and not caring because I wanted to do life with this person and I wanted to see them happy and thrive and I wanted to show them that there are people that will accept you for who you are,” she continued.
The pretty blonde, who is seen reclining on a bed in the 40 minute long video, admitted that she didn’t feel like herself after getting “married.”
“I think I just put so much of myself into Jake that I lost myself, and that’s not his fault, and I’m not blaming him for that at all,” Mongeau added. “It’s just the reality. I don’t regret it.”
The new video, titled, “the truth about everything (the wedding, Jake, Alissa, Erika, MTV, mental health, drugs, etc.)” sees her reflecting on the early positive days of their relationship, as well as reflecting on the negatives in some of her previous romances.
“I loved the time I spent with Jake so much and who I felt like he was making me,” she said.
She continued: “I loved who I was when I was with him so much that I kind of put on rose-colored glasses. I realized I would do anything to feel this feeling forever.”
However, Mongeau said that “the second Jake and I got married, everything changed.”
“I think the second he said, ‘I do,’ to me, he was like, ‘Now what?’ ” she said. “I think he was also over it. I don’t blame him, but it left me clinging, trying to make this work.”
“Everything just started to fall apart,” Mongeau added. “The wedding night was just hell for me.”
Mongeau explained she did not go on her honeymoon after her father suffered a stroke the night of her wedding. She also addressed having an “open relationship” with Paul, which she had first revealed on the Zach Sang Show a month after their wedding.
“I feel like an open relationship with Jake was him being able to have sex with a new b**** every night, which I am not blaming him,” she explained.
“I was the one green lighting everything because I just wanted to make him happy. And letting it kill me. You can only let something kill you for so long until it’s actually going to f****** kill you.”
However, she confirmed that the couple are still together, despite their issues.
“I shared one of the craziest times of my life with this person and we were a team and he made me feel some of the best feelings I’ve ever felt just as a person, but also some of the worst,” she said.
She expressed regrets for some of her choices and explained that she would always have forgiveness for him.
“I feel like I should have been far more transparent with him and myself and the world and the people around me, but I just couldn’t.
“Jake could f****** kill my whole family, I will always love him,” she said, adding: “I will always have a bond with him that I don’t ever see myself having with anyone else.”
“But does that mean that this is all healthy for me or him? Maybe not, but it’s complicated,” Mongeau said.
Paul and Mongeau wed in a wild Las Vegas ceremony in August, which they later revealed was not legally binding.
At the time, she said in a YouTube video: “To everybody that’s calling it fake because we rushed into it or because I don’t do things traditionally, because I wanted to not do it legally – any wedding I have, if I have three more f****** weddings, I really wouldn’t want to do it on paper, because I think that legally binding yourself to someone takes away the love.”
Their nuptials came two months after they began dating.
The MTV digital reality show Tana Turns 21 documents their brief courtship.