Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my 20s and, before lockdown, I met this guy about the same age as me in a cafe and we got chatting. He seemed really nice and smart – he was sitting alone and working on his laptop, as I was.
When I got up to leave, he asked if we could exchange email addresses and I didn’t see any harm in it, even though he was a stranger. I’m single and he seemed really nice, so I gave him my address.
That same night he dropped me an email, which I thought was a bit keen but, all the same, quite sweet. However, since then, he’s been bombarding me with emails and, if I don’t reply, he gets really angry about it.
Recently, he’s also sent me a few ‘d**k pics’ and some other cringey shots of him on the beach or flexing his biceps in his bedroom.
I’m feeling really uncomfortable about this and don’t want to engage with him any more. Luckily, I never gave out my mobile number or my home address and, obviously, I haven’t been back to the café, which isn’t near my home.
He’s asked me to meet up with him after lockdown, which I’ve said no to. I feel really embarrassed about this situation, so I haven’t told anyone.
I feel so stupid that I was vulnerable to someone like him and wonder what that says about me. Can you offer any advice?
Coleen says
First of all, don’t feel stupid – you got talking to someone who seemed like a nice, decent guy but turned out not to be. I wouldn’t start questioning your judgment or your choices in men.
So tell your friends – they won’t think badly of you, they’ll simply offer support, will be horrified by his emails and agree that you’ve been lucky you didn’t get the opportunity to go on an actual date with him.
Then I would either block him on email – so his emails go straight to your spam folder – or, if you don’t want those emails lurking anywhere on your account, change your email address.
It’s a pain having to notify your contacts, but I think mentally it would make you feel better.
Then move on and stop giving yourself a hard time about it. I think in lockdown we can overthink things because there aren’t many distractions.
What happened says more about him than it does about you. You’re obviously an open, trusting friendly person who thinks the best of people – those aren’t weaknesses, but he’s taken advantage of those good qualities.
