Just as a soap wedding or birth rarely goes off without incident, funerals attract high drama. Forget them being occasions to show dignity and respect, more often than not they are opportunities for revenge and score-settling.
When Coronation Street hairdresser Emma Brooker went to the church to mourn the man she thought was her father, Steve McDonald thought it was the right time to reveal that he was her biological dad. Classy as ever, Steve.
At least there wasn’t a punch-up in the graveyard, as there was at Tina McIntyre’s funeral.
Emmerdale’s bitter Megan Macey used her eulogy at her dad Frank’s service to tell the villagers exactly what she thought of them all. And who can forget Lucy Beale’s funeral in EastEnders, where Max Branning was exposed as her secret lover?
Not that soap funerals are all a dead loss (pardon the pun). The send-offs for Lisa Dingle, Deirdre Barlow and Aidan Connor were thoughtful and moving. And EastEnders’ decision to incorporate the real-life families of knife-crime victims into Shakil Kazemi’s funeral was brave and powerful.
EASTENDERS: A RING FOR RUBY?
Talking of wrong ‘uns, Max Branning feels humiliated when customers at the E20 assume he’s girlfriend Ruby’s dad
Ben is fearful when he realises Callum is serious about wanting to join the police. Understandable, since he’s never done an honest day’s work in his life. Convicted killer Bobby, on the other hand, thinks it’s a great idea. I guess with someone as dozy as Callum on the force, the chances of being caught are dramatically reduced.
Talking of wrong ‘uns, Max Branning feels humiliated when customers at the E20 assume he’s girlfriend Ruby’s dad.
He’s lucky they didn’t think he was her grandad. Even so, Max (pictured, with Ruby) thinks it’s time to take a big step in their relationship. If you laid all of Max’s former partners end to end they’d fit around the Square twice over, but you’ve got to admire his optimism.
Encouraged by his equally disastrous-in-love brother Jack, Max decides to propose. A buoyed-up Max turns to Bobby for help in popping the question. I know Walford isn’t packed with wise people but why is everyone seeking his counsel all of a sudden?
Ian meddles so that Max’s proposal ends up being a very public affair. Will Ruby agree to become the fifth Mrs Branning? Not if she’s got any sense.
CORONATION STREET: DANIELLE SELF-DESTRUCTS
After mistakenly thinking he’s spotted it in a pawn shop, Daniel smashes the display cabinet with a golf club and the police, including Craig (pictured, with Daniel), are called
It’s the week of Sinead’s funeral and it’s clear Daniel isn’t coping. He ducks out of the wake to go to his flat and watch the videos Sinead made for Bertie.
But the place has been turned over and the laptop is missing. After mistakenly thinking he’s spotted it in a pawn shop, Daniel smashes the display cabinet with a golf club and the police, including Craig (pictured, with Daniel), are called.
Later, Carla and Peter offer to look after baby Bertie (hasn’t the poor child suffered enough?). In true Barlow style, Daniel uses the occasion to drink himself into a stupor.
Billy tells Paul that his diary containing details of upcoming funerals, weddings and christenings went missing the day Bernie started cleaning for him.
Paul and Gemma suspect their dodgy mum of being behind the spate of break-ins, including the one at Daniel’s flat. But further detective work exposes Kel as the culprit, which also brings to light the true horror of his abuse of Paul.
Vicky flies into a rage after discovering Robert had lied about breaking up with Michelle. Robert hasn’t told the truth since 2017 – what was she expecting? When he announces they should turn the bistro into a franchise, Michelle thinks it is an excellent idea.
What fool would buy into that? Unless there’s suddenly big demand for restaurants staffed by incompetents who have screaming rows while customers try to eat their smashed avocado on sourdough in peace.
EMMERDALE: JACOB THE CAD
Also, David and Leyla tell Jacob that Maya is getting out and worry about how he’ll react. So they should – he jumps into bed with Leanna (pictured)
My word, Lydia deserves some luck. Last week she discovered a long-lost sister and this week she learns the mum she thought was dead is actually alive – not that it’s a happy reunion.
Her mum, Agatha, informs Lydia that her father died of Huntington’s disease, which stops parts of the brain working properly, and there’s a good chance she’s inherited it.
If that wasn’t bad enough, she lives in a glorified cow shed and is engaged to perennial loser Sam Dingle.
Also, David and Leyla tell Jacob that Maya is getting out and worry about how he’ll react. So they should – he jumps into bed with Leanna (pictured).
