Rapper slowthai has opened up on his life with ADHD, following a rather controversial appearance at the NME Awards earlier this month which saw him get into a fight with a punter while also being forced to apologise to host Katherine Ryan.
The 25-year-old English rapper – real name Tyron Frampton – has now opened up on his diagnosis with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder several years ago.
Speaking of his struggles with the behavioural condition he said it’s left him with a ‘need to be loved’.
In a lengthy Twitter post he wrote this week: ‘I often laugh when I feel anxious, this awkward laughter only shows how uncomfortable I feel. I’ve always been socially awkward and found it hard to articulate to people how I truly feel, often lie.
‘Sometimes it’s harder to stay quiet than force conversation and it makes my skin crawl.
‘I build myself up from pieces of other people and when I look in the mirror I shiver ’cause I feel like I’m wearing someone else’s skin.’
— tyron. (@slowthai) February 23, 2020
slowthai continued: ‘I’ve never felt happy being on my own and this has caused me to have a dependency. A need to be loved, maybe I search for all the right things in the wrong places. But am I wrong for wanting to belong.
‘Lazy. I live under a rock clinging on to gratification. I trick myself into liking the things I hate and hating the things I love.
‘I’ve never known what’s best for me. And I never felt content with the life I lead.’
Before signing off, slowthai revealed he is plagued by suicidal thoughts most nights but is ‘too afraid to say goodbye’.
He wrote: ‘I think about the end every night. But I’m too afraid to say goodbye. ADHD all I want is your undivided attention. The what ifs. I’m selfish and I never cared for sharing. If I was gone would they remember me and would they hurt as I hurt.
‘I’m trying to learn to confine [confide] in myself cause I can’t explain why I feel these things. Even though I laugh, I ask what’s funny.’
slowthai’s honest post comes after he made a controversial appearance at the NME Awards on 12 Feb.
He was criticised for making overtly sexual comments to co-host Katherine when on stage at the ceremony and hugging her.
He then got into a verbal altercation with an audience member who called him a ‘misogynist’ for his behaviour towards Katherine as he collected his fan-voted hero of the year which resulted in him jumping from the stage to confront the heckler.
slowthai later took to Twitter to apologise to Katherine for his actions, an apology which she fully accepted – however his actions saw him dropped from his role with Record Store Day.
Tweeting NME, slowthai wrote: ‘please forward my award to @kathbum for she is the hero of the year. what started as a joke between us escalated to a point of shameful actions on my part. i want to unreservedly apologise, there is no excuse and I am sorry. i am not a hero.
‘katherine, you are a master at your craft and next time i’ll take my seat and leave the comedy to you. to any woman or man who saw a reflection of situations they’ve been in in those videos, i am sorry. i promise to do better. let’s talk here.’
Katherine, 36, replied: ‘I knew you were joking and congratulations on your very award-worthy album! I hope you know that a bad day on social media passes so quickly. Everything will be better tomorrow.’
MORE: KSI calls for slowthai to be ‘punished’ after Katherine Ryan comments and brawl at NME Awards
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