Last summer I had the pleasure of stuffing Boris Johnson into a mincing machine and turning him into sausages.
Well, it was actually Mr Punch cranking the handle while shouting: “That’s the way to do it.”
But I had a hand, literally, in the end of Boris the Clown.
I was on Brighton seafront, learning the art of Punch and Judy from an expert who explained how every era spawns new baddies to be Punch’s foil – such as Hitler, Maggie Thatcher and traffic wardens.
And Boris has been a favourite for several years.
Like the bumbling buffoon we loved to see making an arse of himself on Have I Got News For You, who fell in rivers, rugby-tackled kids, hammed it up while dangling from a zipline and ruffled his hair before photocalls to look more eccentric.
Even when Boris was Foreign Secretary you wondered if he had a whoopee cushion, squirty flower or a fake dog poo in his despatch box, in case the opportunity arose for a jolly wheeze.
But, suddenly, the joke is on us, and even more painful than that dire “Dude” gag of his.
Silly old Boris is actually Prime Minister – thanks to just 92,153 deluded Tory party members.
(Image: Internet Unknown)
And the rest of the world is laughing, in shock and utter bemusement. “A clown like Boris Johnson as prime minister in the UK shows just how low the country has fallen since the Brexit referendum,” said a Danish newspaper.
A French publication called him “jester to the Queen” and a cartoon in Belgium’s Le Soir showed him walking a tightrope, juggling balls saying “Brexit”, “Ireland”, “Scotland”, “Iran” as a gleeful Donald Trump looked on clapping.
Send in the clowns? Don’t bother, they’re here.
What a double act they’re going to make in the political circus Bojo and Dodo, two mad-haired, reckless and dangerous clowns hiding behind painted-on smiles.
Not quite The Joker and Pennywise from the film It, but they still scare the hell out of me.
And their rise to power is another slap-shoed kick in the teeth for professional clowns already struggling against the stigma of horror-movie ones.
(Image: PA)
British entertainer Jack Stark says: “Clowns can be clumsy and gaffe-prone, and live in a world of chaos.
“But how they respond to that world is different. Clowns want to make things better.
“Boris just uses his act to get himself out of troubles of his own making.”
And we need a general election to get him out of office.
To put him in the political mincer and make him into sausage-meat.
Now, THAT’S the way to do it!
