“We have technical issues with the leader of the SNP so I’m going to have to ask Kirsten Oswald as the deputy leader to stand in,” Sir Lindsay Hoyle told the House of Commons.
Tory MPs erupted in laughter when they learned Blackford would not be able to give the Prime Minister his weekly blasting over Zoom.
But the question on everybody’s lips: was he silent or was he silenced?
Turns out Blackford had been cancelled by nature after high winds left thousands across Skye and the Uists without power.
The Prime Minister couldn’t resist a dig, praising Blackford’s stand-in for her “delightfully concise question”.
We look forward to Mr Blackford telling his authentic truth next week.
He revealed his lack of culinary talents when asked by Conservative Cornwall MP Sheryll Murray how easy it is to make a Brit fish dish.
Canny Johnson made sure he scored an early win at this week’s PMQs, perhaps he knew he was in for a bit of a pasting.
He kicked off the session by walloping Brussels over claims by the European Council president that the UK imposed an “outright ban” on coronavirus vaccine exports.
“We oppose vaccine nationalism in all its forms,” the PM told the Commons.
But the bulk of PMQs saw Sir Keir Starmer call out Johnson repeatedly over nurses pay.
Opening with surgical precision he asked, deadpan: “Who does the Prime Minister think deserves a pay rise more, an NHS nurse or Dominic Cummings?”
Reader, you will be disappointed to learn that the Prime Minister did not answer that question. Instead he reeled off something about how he “personally” owes a massive debt to nurses.
However, there was a whiff of a U-turn, as the Prime Minister told the Commons: “That is why we’ve asked the public sector pay review body exceptionally to look at their pay.”
Reader, you will be disappointed to learn that the Prime Minister did not answer that question.
Grumbling back benchers will be pleased. But Starmer wasn’t going to let this go: “He didn’t answer my question. It was a very simple question. He could afford to give Dominic Cummings a 40 per cent pay rise, he could afford that, now he is asking NHS nurses to take a real-terms pay cut. How on Earth does he justify that?”
The Prime Minister repeated his previous non-answer before declaring the Conservatives the “party of the NHS”.
The real zinger of this week’s PMQs came when it turned personal. Starmer gave us the uncomfortable content we’d all been waiting for: “I’d take the Prime Minister a bit more seriously if he hadn’t spent £2.6 million of taxpayers’ money on a Downing Street TV studio or £200,000 on new wallpaper for his flat. They say charity starts at home but I think the Prime Minister is taking it a bit too literally.” Ouch.
Starmer then decided to tug on the old heartstrings, by reading out another pre-prepared line: “My mum was a nurse, my sister was a nurse, my wife works in the NHS, I know what it means to work for the NHS.
“When I clapped for carers I meant it. He clapped for carers then he shut the door in their face at the first opportunity.”
The Prime Minister looked at Starmer and shook his head.
If that wasn’t enough, Starmer got a prop out, brandishing papers he said: “Two years ago he made a promise to the NHS, here in black and white, his document, it commits to a minimum pay rise of 2.1 per cent. It’s been budgeted for and now it’s being taken away.”
Mr Johnson replied: “He voted against the document in question to crown the absurdity of his point.”
His quip sparked laughs from the Tory benches but unfortunately for the PM, his comment was just not right.
Shadow health secretary Jonathan Ashworth bowled in at the end of PMQs with a point of order, accusing the Prime Minister of misleading Parliament.
“The Prime Minister twice from that despatch box said that the Labour opposition voted against the NHS Funding Bill and the 2.1 per cent increase for NHS staff – this is not the case,” he said.
Remembering he’d left a fish pie in the oven, Mr Johnson had already scurried out the chamber.
