Politics

Paul Routledge: A turbulent year ahead… and it’s all Labour’s fault


Pluck the cloth from the crystal ball, and what does Owd Routledge see for 2020?

January ushers in the Chinese Year of the Rat, and Boris Johnson celebrates Brexit by ratting on his friends. Both of them.

February brings a lull in the rain that’s been falling for six straight months.

Privatised water companies immediately ban car washing and put up bills.

In March, a new Labour leader succeeds jinxed Jeremy. She enjoys a brief honeymoon with voters, before the Tory media crucify her.

The Queen celebrates her 94th birthday in April, amid fresh scandals about the dysfunctional Royal Family.

In May’s council elections, the Tories suffer unexpected losses and blame them on the previous Labour government.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn

July is a big sport month. Wimbledon is won by a new kid on the court. The Tokyo Olympic Games are marred by political shenanigans and accusations of doping.

UK athletes fail to achieve their medals target and an acrimonious inquest on funding begins. England misses out again during Euro 2020.

In September, talks with the EU on a new trade agreement collapse. Boris Johnson blames the previous Labour government.

Party conferences in October are a non-event, because politics at home is dominated by the “will he, won’t he?” event in America. And on November 3 Donald J Trump is re-elected as President of the USA.

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It later emerges he has fiddled the ballot and he’s granted asylum by Vladimir Putin, on condition he lives in Siberia and goes to the barber regularly.

The UK-sponsored international conference on climate change in Glasgow ends in tears. Whose, it is not clear, but they add to the rising sea levels.

December is marked by the 60th anniversary of the first episode of Coronation Street. Veteran star Bill ‘Cock’ Roache complains he hasn’t got a knighthood.

Brussels and London stop the clock to continue negotiations after the 31/12 deadline for a trade deal. Boris Johnson blames the previous Labour government.

And so, 2021 restarts the whole blessed business…





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