At age seven, Nimko Ali’s childhood came crashing down when she had female genital mutilation in her homeland of Somalia. It put a strain on her relationship with her mother and caused several eating disorders, but somewhat ironically, it sparked an interest in her own anatomy.
Now, at 35-years-old, Nimko is campaigning to end FGM – 98% of women in Somalia have been subjected to FGM – and she is encouraging women to speak more confidently about their bodies. She is co-founder of the charities Daughters of Eve and The Five Foundation, an active campaigner and, more recently, an author.
In her first book, What We’re Told Not to Talk About (But We’re Going to Anyway), Nimko interviewed 150 women across 14 countries about sex, masturbation, pregnancy, period poverty and more to bust taboos and open up the feminist conversation.
Here, the kickass activist opens up to GLAMOUR about learning to reclaim her body, the shocking revelations in her book and why women need to be more vocal about sexual pleasure. As she asserts, “it’s a fundamental female right to have sexual pleasure”.
Talking openly with women about our shared experiences has been so healing
I’ve been trying to speak about my journey for the last 30 years. Through writing this book I’ve have a lot of acceptance and growth through the shared experiences of speaking to all these women. There was a lot of healing in that. When I first got asked to write the book, I didn’t want it to be specifically about FGM. That was always going to be a key part but there are several key experiences other woman who haven’t had FGM go through like periods and menopause which we need to discuss more openly.
FGM was meant to make me afraid of my body but it made me want to know everything
I wanted to open up the dialogue with my book. At the core, there’s this concept of shame and a lack of knowledge about the female anatomy. Going through FGM was meant to make me afraid of my body but it made me want to know everything. I wanted other people who don’t have to go through such a horrendous experience to have the courage and power to do that. It’s about empowering women through our shared experiences.
There’s a lot more power in being flawed than perfect
It’s only learnt to love my body in the last 12 months. I’ve done a lot of incredibly harmful things to myself. I developed an eating disorder when I was 12, prior to that I was overeating to the point where I got obese, then I became bulimic. It affected the way I dated and how I formed relationships with people. It completely consumed me. I had to understand there’s a lot more power in being flawed than being perfect which has made me a much happier, stronger person. It’s been a massive, long journey to self-acceptance. The most cathartic experience that allowed me to be at ease with myself was having an honest conversation with my sister and mother about our experiences.
The biggest insecurity for women was the notion of not being good enough and the endless search for perfection
In my research, the notion of not being good enough was the biggest insecurity amongst women. It’s the endless search for perfection but also a lot of women felt guilty admitting they want more. They felt they couldn’t complain and should be grateful for what they’ve got. This sense of shame transcended through cultures, religions, privileges and class. To apply it to myself, I think I should feel lucky to have survived FGM but no, I’m not lucky, I’m angry about what I had to go through. We let the patriarchy silence us and shame us into not express our feelings. When we start talking more freely, we realise all women feel the same.
It’s a fundamental female right to have sexual pleasure
Society tells us our sexual desires are un-womanly or unacceptable. No! We need to demand it. We need to be more garish and forward about the fact that we want good sex. I live in a culture that tries to silence women and make us sexless beings but women in the West have the chance to be loud and it’s such a waste of an opportunity to not use your voice. Let’s stop making excuses and put our pleasures first.
What We’re Told Not to Talk About (But We’re Going to Anyway) is out now.
