We gave ourselves the unaccustomed luxury of several hours of afternoon lovemaking, knowing this might be our last time. This knowledge intensified our closeness and matched the excitement of our first encounters nearly 30 years earlier. The next day, I underwent a radical prostatectomy to treat an aggressive cancer. The procedure removed my prostate; I would no longer have spontaneous erections and my orgasms would be “dry”.
Following the operation, the effect was dramatic; my penis was totally unresponsive. Charities offered useful guidance about how a cancer diagnosis affects a relationship, but were largely silent about sex. So much attention had been given to treating the cancer that I felt frighteningly ignorant about what would be involved in regaining some function; I didn’t even know whether it is possible to have an orgasm without an erection.
After failed experiments with a vacuum pump, my desire for an erection became greater than my fear of needles, so I decided to try self-injecting with a prescribed treatment. It required training; my first experience was in front of a doctor who explained the process. We had several practice runs at home to find the right dose.
Eleven months after surgery, we’ve now made a full return to lovemaking. The diagnosis and treatment of cancer is life-changing. It took determination, medical support and a willingness to relearn how to be sexual to get here – but now my orgasms are a joyous celebration of life fully resumed.
• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com.
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