Relationship

My life in sex: ‘I prefer other married men. Picking them up is easy’


I met my wife at university, and we married when I was 27 and she was 25. We had a vanilla sex life for the first 10 years, after which I decided we should stop. For 29 years we have had no sexual contact. This lack of a physical relationship goes undiscussed and does not cause any tension. We both take it for granted and are rarely in the same room.

I can only assume my wife has remained celibate. Meanwhile, I get physical satisfaction from cottaging, something I started doing shortly after we married. I use a railway station toilet in London, as well as one in my local station and another near where I live.

My preference is for other married men. Picking them up is easy – you just stand at the urinal for as long as it takes. You can tell if other men are keen by whether they linger a little too long, then we make our way to a cubicle. The best time is when they travel home from work at six o’clock.

I enjoy the social status attached to being married and I still feel affection for my wife – just no physical desire. I went off sex with her because she was too emotional and clingy afterwards; I just wanted to go to sleep.

Sex with other married men is quick and involves little emotional commitment. There’s someone I’ve met several times, but I’m only interested in casual encounters. I like knowing I can give men something their wives can’t.

Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@guardian.com.

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