My husband and I haven’t had sex in 15 years

When it comes to sex, my husband and I had problems early on in our relationship.

We both have physical issues that affect our sex life.

For me, this is in the form of an injury that happened 22 years ago, when I was 24. Whenever I have vigorous sex, the movement makes my bladder bleed. I am also overly sensitive in the genital area, which is exacerbated by any sexual activity (including masturbation) and muscle contractions.

Meanwhile, my husband suffers from erectile dysfunction (ED) and is sometimes unable to get his penis fully hard. He has always had issues with ED, including with other girlfriends before we met.

Funnily enough, I always considered his soft penis a good thing, as it meant it was gentler on my vagina and less likely to upset my bladder.

Regardless of our health issues, our relationship has never been much about sex.

At the start, I was conflicted about getting into bed with him because I am a Christian. We had sex occasionally as our relationship grew deeper, and we married quickly.

We had lots of quickies on our honeymoon, but it wasn’t fireworks – it was intimacy with the man I love.

After that, it was a few times per week – but most of the time he wasn’t that interested in sex and that suited me just fine, because it gave my bladder a break.

We had gentle intercourse when we wanted to, which involved penetration, touching, and lots of cuddles.

As the years went on, our connection grew – but we were often tired due to work and social activities, and didn’t get around to having sex.

The passion quickly faded, and eventually, the bedroom activities stopped completely.

Now, we never have sex – we gave it up 15 years ago.

We do however cuddle all the time, are affectionate and enjoy each other’s company immensely. My husband is my rock. 

I still love him more with every passing day, and not having sex just isn’t a big deal in our lives, and I know that he feels the same way.

It’s an active choice that we have both made together.

I know that’s a bold statement that many people won’t understand – but for us, other things are more important, like our day-to-day relationship, supporting one another, and the endurance of our love. Being best friends with my husband is everything to me.

The media would have us all believe that everyone has amazing sex lives, and we’re missing out if we’re not at it 24-7, but many happy couples lead sexless lives, either because of health problems, advancing age or lack of desire, but that doesn’t mean a relationship can’t work.

There is also a myth that, if you’re married and not having sex, something must be wrong – but according to a study by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine from last year, UK couples are having less sex now than they did 10 years ago.

Sexual health problems are also extremely common.

A piece of research with 7,000 female participants published in the International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology found that nearly one in 10 find sex painful. Another report by King’s College London revealed that up to half of UK men under 50 experience impotence to some degree.

None my friends know about our situation. I’m a private person and don’t want to to talk about this intimate part of my life with anyone but my partner.

When I was younger, my injury – and its subsequent effect on my sexual urges – did bother me. I thought I’d be lonely forever as a result.

I had a higher sex drive back then too, but it was forbidden by my religion. Once I was allowed and met the love of my life, I somehow became easily satisfied with simply being loved.

When you have that feeling of belonging and the insecurity of being young and single has finally passed, the need for sex lessens, too – or so it has in my case, anyway.

I do occasionally masturbate, but it can cause me discomfort for weeks so not often.

And no, I don’t miss sex.

I have no desire for it and you can’t force what isn’t there. Now I’ve got menopause issues going on too, and expect it would be painful, which is a real turn-off.