Parenting

Mum sparks outrage after revealing she has a favourite son and struggles to ‘force a bond’ with her youngest


A MUM-OF-TWO has taken to parenting forum Mumsnet, to ask if it’s “normal” to have a favourite child.

Explaining she finds it hard to disguise her feelings, the mum asked whether other users could relate – and fellow parents were divided on the issue.

 One mum took to the forum for advice

Mumsnet

One mum took to the forum for advice

“I am ashamed to say this… but I really do have a favourite child,” the mum explained.

“I have two sons and the oldest (three) is a real struggle for me and has been from day one.

“He is so intense and determined and he really overwhelms me.

“My [husband] is blessed with patience and really does a lot more of the hard graft. They have a great bond.”

 Do you have a favourite child?

Getty – Contributor

Do you have a favourite child?

“I really enjoy my second son (18 months), I feel like I understand him perfectly and I am 100 per cent the most qualified to care for him in any situation,” she continued.

“I try really hard to disguise my feelings.

“For example, I always take my older son shopping, just the two of us and allow him to scan the shop.

“I organise lots of play dates but I feel like I am really trying to force a bond I just can’t make.

“My own mother was cruelly unfair to my older sister and I really thought I could be a bigger person.

“Has anyone else ever felt like this?”

 One said it was "human nature"

Mumsnet

One said it was “human nature”
 Another revealed they also had favourites

Mumsnet

Another revealed they also had favourites

The post has since divided fellow Mumsnet users, with many admitting they felt the same.

One wrote: “I love my two oldest teens to bits. They are kind, caring, funny and good company.

“My youngest, however, is nothing like any of us and I don’t really like him very much.”

While another said: “Yes I do. It’s human nature. I don’t love them any differently I just prefer parenting one of my girls over the other.

“She is a joy to be around whilst my other is very difficult and always has been.”

 One suggested it could change as they age

Mumsnet

One suggested it could change as they age

Others, however, were shocked – with one calling the thread “scary”.

“Oh god this thread is scary. Those poor babies,” they wrote.

“‘Oh but I don’t show it’ – yes you do.”

Another agreed: “Taking a three year old shopping won’t make up for the fact you think he’s doing something ‘wrong’.”

While a recent study showed that one in five parents have a favourite child, many users suggested that the mum could be suffering from postnatal depression – which affects one in 10 mums – and advised seeking help.

 Some were less sympathetic to the mum's issue

Mumsnet

Some were less sympathetic to the mum’s issue
 Others suggested getting help

Mumsnet

Others suggested getting help

One wrote: “Honestly? There is absolutely nothing a pre-schooler could do, or present with, or behave like, which would make them less in need of – or deserving of – whole-hearted love from his or her mother.

“Most mothers do feel passionately in love with their babies and toddlers, irrespective of how challenging (or ill or disabled) they are.

“Rationalising your feelings is completely normal.

“PTSD or PNS having this effect makes total sense. This is not your fault.

“But I think you need some outside help to correct this before it solidifies into a dysfunctional family dynamic.”

 One reassured the mum it wasn't her fault

Mumsnet

One reassured the mum it wasn’t her fault

Another agreed, suggesting the mum seek help “before patterns set”.

One noted: “I will say that no matter how hard you try to hide it your children will know as they get older.

“I certainly did with my parents and it left me with a massive resentment towards them.

“Seeking help now would benefit both your children.”

The National Childbirth Trust’s advice on seeking help if you’re suffering from Postnatal depression

1.       Seek professional help from your doctor

2.       One of the most helpful things is to talk to other mums and dads – it can be very reassuring to find that all new parents share the same anxieties and frustrations. Meeting others in the same position will give you a chance to share skills and experiences, to realise you are not alone, and above all get some emotional and practical support. Call NCT to find out what’s happening in your area on 0300 330 0700

3.       Share your feelings with people you trust. It’s important to feel understood and supported. A sympathetic listener, who can hear about your feelings and worries without judging, can bring enormous relief. It could be a health visitor, a friend or a counsellor.

4.       Give yourself time to adjust to motherhood and recover from giving birth.

5.       Try and get help with the childcare and take some time for yourself, even an hour here and there can make a difference.

6.       Take some exercise each day, like a walk with the buggy or swimming: exercise has a positive effect on mood and sense of wellbeing.

7.       Maintain a healthy diet; eating badly or skipping meals can make you feel tired and irritable, so try to eat simple and nutritious meals.

8.       You could try mindfulness, which is a way of paying more attention to the present moment – to your own thoughts and feelings, and to the world around you – which can improve your mental wellbeing

9.       Accept help and support from your partner, family and friends. Try to share as many jobs around the house as possible, for instance. Allowing people to support you and your partner through this time will make things easier.

Earlier this week, we told you about the mum-to-be who was forced to delete four-month pregnancy announcement after trolls slammed her ‘tiny’ baby bump.

We also revealed the top five most searched for baby names for boys and girls, including Jasper and Milo.

And we showed you one mum was blasted for wanting to call her baby daughter Princess because she’ll be ‘teased all her life’.

Mum has five miracle babies after doctors told her she was 100% infertile





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