The mum of a stillborn baby has raised £15,000 towards a maternity bereavement suite after revealing the trauma of hearing new parents celebrating in the labour unit.
Rachael Hayden, 33, experienced three devastating miscarriages before her son, Kit Alexander, was born ‘sleeping’ at 31 weeks gestation on September 13, 2019.
The dance teacher was rushed to Hillingdon Hospital, northwest London, after realising their baby had stopped moving.
She and her husband Alex, 30, were broken-hearted to learn their desperately-wanted child had died.
But Rachael then had to spend seven hours on the labour ward giving birth – while listening to the cries of newborn infants and their overjoyed parents.
Weeks later, she buried her beloved son – as her best friend welcomed her own little girl into the world.
Rachael bravely shared her story with Metro.co.uk during the 18th annual Baby Loss Awareness Week, which helps parents and families honour the lives of children who died during pregnancy or soon after birth and in infancy.
She is determined to break the silence surrounding pregnancy loss and stillbirth, which affects around one in every 200 births in England.
‘I know first-hand what it is like to be on that labour ward hearing babies crying,’ Rachael said.
‘It’s the most horrific thing that has happened to us.’
Earlier this month Chrissy Teigen and John Legend described their ‘deep pain’ after she suffered a miscarriage with their third child, a boy they named Jack.
‘I see the pain in (Chrissy’s) face and I know that so well,’ said Rachael.
‘We don’t talk about it because it’s too sad.
‘But after I lost Kit I had so many people come out and say, “I had a baby that was stillborn” – it’s a conversation that needs to be had.’
Rachael realised something could be wrong at the 20-week scan, when Kit was ‘hiding’, and the sonographer could not measure his heart.
She said: ‘I was asked to come back two weeks later. I felt very anxious, like I was falling through a trap door again.
‘The 12-week scan was fine, for eight weeks it was bliss but then it came crashing down.’
A fortnight later, Rachael was referred for a specialist scan after two cysts were discovered on the baby’s umbilical cord.
Doctors were unable to explain the presence of the cysts but reassured the mum-to-be not to worry.
Everything appeared fine when Rachael, from Denham, Buckinghamshire, returned for her 30-week scan.
But days later she and Alex were forced to endure every expecting parent’s worst nightmare when Kit stopped kicking.
‘They couldn’t detect a heartbeat,’ – Rachael remembered.
‘They changed the machine but I knew he was gone. Then the most horrible words, “I’m sorry…”
‘I spent so long thinking, “you are going to bring a life into the world”’.
Recalling how they returned to the hospital two days later to give birth, Rachael said: ‘It was all a blur. I didn’t leave the delivery room for three days.
‘I knew people in the local area and didn’t want to bump into someone I knew who had just had a baby.’
She and Alex decided to raise money for the hospital in a bid to get something positive out of their tragedy.
Their Just Giving page, entitled Kit’s Cause in memory of their son, has generated £15,400.
‘Our whole community rallied around us, we were very lucky to have the support,’ she added.
‘It really does seem unfair but you have to be careful not to become bitter.
‘We are all on different paths and as hard as it is to see other people having babies you are still happy for them – but many times I have broken down.
‘Yes, we have a son – but we don’t have anything that goes with being a parent. We have the memory of being in hospital and giving birth.
‘Our happiness was snatched away and I do think, “why me”.
‘But I think we all go through trauma of some kind; you don’t choose this trauma but you have to choose how to deal with it.’
A post-mortem on Kit’s death came back inconclusive – sparking a fresh wave of grief for the distraught parents.
But they are determined to look to the future and have now set up the Little Star Sweet Shop, a pick ‘n’ mix business inspired by Kit.
Rachael added: ‘As soon as you’re pregnant you have all these aspirations and dreams for your baby, you fantasise about taking them out, changing them, feeding them, even before you are pregnant.
‘The grief stays the same but the world gets bigger, other things take over, life is there to be continued.
‘Yes I will always miss Kit – but I want to move forward and live a life.’
Hillingdon Hospital is campaigning to raise £50,000 for the new one-bed maternity bereavement suite as soon as possible.
‘The parents that will be using it will be going through the toughest few days of their lives,’ Rachael added.
‘It gives them an opportunity to hold and kiss their child, to sing to them, read to them, and give all the love they would have given that child in a lifetime.’
For more information and to donate, click here.
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