A MUM-of-four has shared a brilliantly honest account of what it’s like trying to have sex after having kids – and how she attempts to distract them to get a few minutes of fun.
Mummy blogger Jessica Hoods, who posts under the name House of Hoods, shared a revealing insight into her sex life.
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Jessica, 31, who had four kids with husband Karl, wrote a raw Facebook post documenting the change in their bedroom habits since having their kids.
The mum, from Australia, wrote: “Remember when you first met you husband? The sparks were flying and the sexual tension was more than you both could handle.
“You couldn’t get enough of each other. In fact you spent most of your time naked and less time on your phones.”
But she said one “those two lines appear” everything changes, and lust “starts to vanish”.
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Jessica said: “You become that women who starts believing your husband’s penis will poke the baby in the eye.
“You can barely roll over and you gave up trimming the hedges when you could no longer see your toes.”
And things don’t improve in the bedroom once the baby is born, as you end up “sitting on a doughnut instead of eating one”.
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Even after you wait for the six-week mark to pass, Jessica said it doesn’t really matter as you’re so tired anyway.
She said: “By the time it comes around you couldn’t give a s*** because you haven’t slept since before conception and your boobs are leaking and engorged.”
But she confirmed couples do eventually have sex again, although it’s usually just to “procreate”.
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And after your family becomes complete, there’s a “glimmer of hope” for your libido as the kids get older.
Then family life really hits, with Jessica explaining: “You a mum! Your cleaning, working and chasing after the kids all day and now your sex life has a window that closes at 9.30pm because you’re so exhausted. [sic]
“Sex with the lights on becomes non existent because carrying life has left you with two tennis balls in a pair of socks and a tummy that flaps in the wind!
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“You talk more about the kids and less about each other.
“Your conversations consist of poop, slime, and frozen 2 and trips to the local play centre becomes your weekend adventures.”
Despite the challenges being a parent throws at you, Jessica said you still try and find time for some passion.
And she shared her tips for making sure the kids don’t interrupt them.
She said: “Usually it’s with a tall boy up against the bedroom door and fully clothed incase the kids decide to stampede their way in, and still it wasn’t spontaneous, after all you strategically put sponge-bob square pants on Netflix and gave the kids a zooper-dooper in the hopes they wouldn’t disrupt you.
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“Still it was the best 5 mins of your life.”
She went on to say that it’s less about the spark, and more about keeping the flame burning.
Jessica added: “Love is deeper than just sex and sex will always be there, but your children, well they will eventually grown up and leave the nest leaving you back where it all started.”
Finally she reminded parents to enjoy the rare moments they had with each other.
Meanwhile this mum shared her brilliant hack for keeping her kids entertained while she changes their nappy.
Plus this cheeky toddler covered their £1,600 TV in nappy cream after being left alone for a few minutes.
And this mum has stunned people by being filmed breastfeeding her baby – while driving.
